Its hard to believe that just three days ago, I did not look forward to going to bed at all.  The fear existed because I had no idea what Jackson was going to do at night.  Well, I had a good idea of what would probably happen, and I didn't like it.

Every night started off the same.  Kim would feed him at 8 PM and get done feeding him at 8:20.  But at that point things were completely random.

On rare occasions  Kim would get Jackson to go to sleep with minimal trouble.  That happened I think like twice.

Other times, Jackson would cry hysterically after being put in the crib.  He HATED being in the crib.  So Kim would then have to pick him up, soothe him back to sleep, and attempt to sneak him into the crib without him waking up.  Sometimes this would take only one effort.  Sometimes more.

Regardless of how long it took to get him to bed initially, that was only the initial skirmish in a long war.  98% of the time, at some point between 11 and 1, he would wake up.  And it would be my shift to get him to go back to sleep.  He was not scheduled to eat again until 1 AM.  If he ate any earlier, he would get used to it and try to push us.  While we were trying to get the opposite to happen - to eventually phase out his night feedings.

To get him to go back to sleep, I would try to use a combination of: (1) pacifier; (2) holding his hands while he laid in bed; (3) patting his chest; (4) rolling him on his side.  Jackson developed numerous defenses to falling back asleep in the crib.  The first was just spitting out the pacifier.  The second was vigorously turning his head back and forth so I could not keep the pacifier in his mouth. The third was angrily scratching at his face and scalp with his razor sharp nails.  The fourth was lifting his legs in the air, such that anytime he would fall asleep, his legs would relax and touch the crib, thus waking himself up.  I really hated the last defense mechanism.

Sometimes I would be able to get him to go back to sleep.  Most of the time I could not, his crying would intensify, and I would have to pick him up.  He instantly would calm down when being held.  He would fall back asleep within a few minutes in my arms.  However, trying to put him back in his crib would result in a 80% wake up rate within 5 minutes.  WHY?  I know you are tired baby!  After a few failed attempts at getting him back to sleep in the crib, I would just hold him until 1 AM, and then feed him.

This terrible, awful process would then repeat itself.  As I said earlier, we were trying to phase out his night feedings.  So we decided his next feeding after his 1 AM one was to be at 6 AM.  Unsurprisingly, after being fed every three or four hours throughout the night for his entire life, Jackson did not agree with such a change.  So he would wake up between 3 and 4:30 AM.  And at this point, he was much, much tougher to get to go back to sleep, and both of us were much more tired and frustrated.  On many nights Kim and I alternated holding him until 5 AM, at which point Kim would just bring him into the bed to sleep with us until 6 AM.  Bringing him into our bed had a much higher success rate in getting him to go back to sleep, but also would create the dangerous association (for us) of him sleeping in our bed.

The math is not hard. At most we were getting a few hours of sleep at a time.  My normal night would be: 2 hours / 2 hours / 2.5 hours.  That is not the equivalent of 6.5 consecutive hours of sleep, and I note that I was going to sleep at 10:00 to even get that much.  And while it may not sound physically exhausting to soothe a baby, it is.  Carrying around a 16 pound weight for a half hour is not fun.  Bending over at a crib to try to keep a pacifier in a baby's mouth is absolute hell on your back.  The whole process was mentally and physically exhausting.

So on the one hand, I was fearing what Ferberizing Jackson would do.  He would cry and cry and we would hate to hear it.  But we could not keep up this process of no good sleep / constant uncertainty / crushing back pain.  We had picked last Friday as our date to begin the process.  Jackson made the decision somewhat easier on us, as he chose the night before to be the absolute worst he's ever been at night.  He got up I think every hour.  It was as if he knew what was in store for him in the future, and wanted to get in as much holding as he could.

As you may have read in a previous post, he cried for an hour and fifty minutes this past Friday night.  Considering that I think the most he's ever cried before was like two or three minutes, this was quite a shock to me and Kim.  He was quite stubborn about the whole thing.  But I don't blame him.  He was used to going to bed in a certain way.  We were changing it without his consent.

I don't know how long we were prepared to let him cry.  Ferberizing involves a progressive waiting approach, so you go in to check on him after three minutes, then five minutes, and then every ten minutes as long as the crying continues.  Kim was going in every ten minutes to reassure him that he was not abandoned (but under no circumstances picking him up), but that only seemed to anger him more.  Eventually he relented.  The crying became more intermittent.  Crying for a minute.  Then silence for 45 seconds.  Then two minutes of crying.  Then one minute of silence.

Eventually he fell asleep.  It was 10:20 PM.  Around 110 minutes of crying.

I had the next shift, and was prepared for the worst.  I figured that the worst would be an additional 110 minutes of crying at 1 AM.  He woke up at 1:45 AM.  I reassured him after three minutes of crying.  He didn't stop.  I reassured him after five more minutes of crying.  And then the crying became less angry.  More whimpering.  He fell asleep shortly thereafter.

He woke up again at 3 AM.  The process was the same.  He went back to sleep.  I woke him up at 4 AM to give him a bottle.  He took it and went back to bed with little fuss afterwards.  It couldn't be this easy, could it?

We continued the practice the next day, applied to his napping.  I put him in his napping chair and walk away.  He cried for a few minutes each time, but then passed the hell out and slept for a couple hours.  No shaking a rattle at him, no holding and rocking him and gently putting him in the chair, NOTHING.  I WALK AWAY AND YOU WILL SLEEP BABY!

Kim was scared about the next night.  Would it be another hour and fifty minutes of crying to start the process over?  Kim walked out of the room at 8:30 PM and I hadn't heard anything.  I asked her what happened.  She said he just went to bed, but he may have been already asleep in her arms (which is a huge no-no).  But he opened his eyes a little bit in the crib.  So what to do?  He was passed out.  I said just let it go and we'll see.

Over the course of the night, we heard a couple random very short bouts of crying.  Maybe a minute or two.  Then he would go back to bed.  There was one long burst for five minutes, which caused me to come in to reassure him.  After the reassurance he cried some more and then went to sleep.  Again, I will impute more intelligence to Jackson than I should, and assume that he cried, saw me, saw me walk away after patting him on the chest, and he realized that future crying would result in nothing more than the unsatisfying thing that just happened.

I fed him at 4 AM, and the process again was him waking at 6 AM to get his day started.

Napping today was more of the same.  Place in chair, walk away, listen to minimal crying, observe napping baby.

So this was our experience for the last two days of Ferberizing Jackson.  I must say that I am beyond happy with how the process has gone.  Tonight he cried for maybe 30 seconds a half hour after Kim put him down.  That's been it.  I assume he'll cry a couple more times through the night, but hopefully not for any extended periods.  But even if he does, its not the end of the world.  I'll eventually comfort him a little bit and he'll again realize that I'm not picking him up.

I'm under no impressions that his sleeping issues are fixed for good.  I'm told that you have to repeat this process anytime his schedule gets thrown off - either because he gets sick, you go on vacation, whatever.  He might even go berserk tonight.  I can accept that.  Babies are weird and do whatever they want.  But at least, for the last two days, he's done what we wanted.

Night two of Ferberizing Jackson:

Miraculously, no crying at all when Kim first put him down for bed.

A couple random short bursts of crying through the night.

One longer burst of crying for 5 minutes that necessitated a visit from me at approximately 3 AM.  He stopped crying and went back to bed a couple minutes after that.

BOOYAH.

So the book says that when you Ferber your baby, you also must apply the practice to his naps.  I am happy to report that Jackson cried for three minutes for his first nap this morning, I then came in and reassured him that the world was not ending, and shortly thereafter he fell asleep on his own.  No shaking a rattle in his face, no putting him down asleep, nothing!  I am optimistic.

The next time he woke up (1:45) he only cried for 15 minutes!  And same thing for the next time (3:00)!  And it is easier on us (at least physically) because we don't have to pick him up, lean over the crib, put a pacifier in his mouth, etc.

If these trends continue . . . ayyyyyy.

One hour and fifty minutes of crying (not continuous) until going to sleep.

That was a rough hour and fifty minutes.

And now I prepare for when he wakes up (in either a few minutes or in the next couple hours), both hungry and wanting to be held.  This will be awesome!

In it to win it though.

Tonight we begin sleep training Jackson.  Hopefully, by the end of the process, he will be more or less sleeping until his wake-up time of around 6 AM.  We will be using the Ferber method.

This weekend will likely be one of the most trying ones in quite some time.  Not looking forward to it in the least, but Jackson at least made it a little easier on us to go through with it, as he was an absolute terror throughout last night.

Pretty much since we've become parents we've kept track of Jackson's development.  I assume almost all parents do.  There is a milestone chart of what most kids can do at X months, what some kids can do, and what a few kids can do (advanced).

So, for example, at 2 months, most kids:

Follow objects across their field of vision

Hold their head for short periods

At 2 months, some kids:

Smile and laugh

Make somewhat smoother movements

At 2 months, a few kids can:

Hold head steady

Can bear weight on legs

Of course, you want your kid to have the advanced skills mastered as early as possible and not miss out on anything in the "most kids" category.  Every time Jackson did something advanced we felt good.  Every time Jackson approached a month milestone and hadn't quite mastered something in the "most kids" category worried us to no end.  But he's doing pretty good overall and we're happy with his progress.

One unfortunate advanced development that Jackson has recently progressed to is, unfortunately, "stranger anxiety."  For the first few months of his life, Jackson loved new people.  In fact, he was generally calmer and friendlier when new people were around as opposed to when he was with just us.  Over the last couple weeks that has taken a 180 degree turn.  Now, with limited random exceptions that we cannot discern any pattern to, he is extremely wary of anyone he doesn't recognize.  

You can see the concern in his eyes and his look when someone new appears.  He will stop smiling or playing and instead slightly squint his eyes at them.  Then anything can happen.  Jackson might just ignore them or try to turn away.  Or he'll start getting agitated, which can lead to whining or crying.

At one point this weekend we were at a new place for Jackson.  And he was not having it.  He was going berserk for at least a half hour, crying and whining even when being held.  And then we were about to leave. We put him in his jacket.  He stopped crying immediately.  We strapped him in his carrier.  Heis demeanor turned normal.  And when we were walking towards the car he started smiling.  It was amazing how quickly his mood changed.

Little did he know we weren't going home, but were going to ANOTHER new place!  Ha, take that Jackson!  

Landis - I'll really miss you ol buddy.  Inadequate, I know, but I don't know what else to say.

Last weekend we took Jackson on our very first family vacation.  To Atlantic City (of course) for two whole nights!  It was a big milestone for us; the first step towards normalcy.

Of course, while we were preparing for the trip, it dawned on us why some families decide to just not travel anywhere with an infant.  We had to pack approximately three times as much as we used to on our usual trips.  This is a non-exhaustive list of the stuff Jackson required:

Stroller
Carseat
Diapers
Baby wipes
Bottles for feeding
Bottles for breast pump
Bottle brush
Dish soap
Breast pump
Powdered formula
Bibs
Burp cloths
Big sponge thing for bathing in the sink
Baby soap wash stuff
Baby oil
Various creams and ointments (A&D, hydrocortisone , etc.)
Changing pad
Numerous Jackson outfits
Sleepsack
Jackson's favorite rattle
Jackson's favorite stuffed animal
Pacifiers

And I don't think this is everything we brought.  When Kim showed me a list she made up I had to change our zipcar reservation from a VW Golf to a Honda Civic.  I was concerned about trunk space.

We also had to rent a mini-fridge from Revel.

That being said, Jackson for the most part seemed to enjoy the trip.  Sure, he acted kind of weird at points, crying and whining when he hadn't previously (at a restaurant and at a lounge), but I guess that's not too unexpected.