After watching a few more episodes of Grey's Anatomy, I've come to the realization that Dr. Meredith Grey (played by Ellen Pompeo) is the most annoying character on TV today.

First of all, she's a slut. Yes I know, every girl who watches the show will make up numerous excuses for her, but she's had sex with like 4 people already in half a season. She sleeps with married men, she sleeps with her friends when she's drunk, she sleeps with random guys at the bar, and she sleeps with her dog's vet. And I even missed a few episodes in the middle, so she probably slept with a few more guys too. What a whore.

Secondly, her tone as narrator is condescending. Constantly condescending. I need to take life advice from this slut? I don't think so.

She also chooses to defend decisions that are totally irrational. Like if a patient wants to die in order to avoid telling her spouse something bad, there's stupid Dr. Grey, saying that the patient has a right to die (while at the same time hitting on Dr. Shepard).

Most importantly, she always acts like she has the worst life in the world. Oh no, the guy I want doesn't want me back. Oh no, my housemates hate my devil dog. Oh no, the chief of the hospital used to sleep with my mom. Boo hoo! How on earth can she think her life is so bad when she is surrounded by people DYING in every episode???? It boggles the mind.

What a stupid character.

Happy New Year.

The highlight of this Atlantic City trip?

On the bus ride back from AC today, as we were getting off the bus, an old man notices that some other old man has left his hat on his seat. So he screams, "Hey, you left your hat!" No response. So then he screams, "Hey baldy!" And we all start laughing. Then, after he still doesn't respond, the old man says, "Oh he's deaf too!"

Yup, that was the highlight of the trip. That pretty much says it all.

One of the side effects of me getting Grey's Anatomy, Season 2, for Kim for Christmas is that I've now become versed in this "girl show." Thus, here is a brief character guide (based on the beginning of season 2) for those of you with girlfriends who want you to watch with them.

Dr. Meredith Grey - The lead character and narrator. Had a thing with Dr. Derek Shepard while he was separated from his wife at the time. He didn't tell her he was separated when they had their thing. Thus, depending on whether it is an odd or even numbered episode, she fluctuates between not talking to Shepard and lusting after him. Generally, in the episodes where she does not talk to Shepard, she sluts it up with a random guy.

Dr. Christina Yang - Has a thing with Dr. Burke, who is the head of cardiothorasic surgery. Essentially, she is an Asian version of Dr. Grey, complete with tumultous relationship involving her direct supervisor.

Dr. Izzie Stevens - The unfathomably hot doctor played by Katherine Heigl. She gets very attached to patients and somehow has even bigger emotional swings than Grey or Yang. Oddly, despite her hotness, she only has a semi-relationship with one of the other jackass interns.

Dr. George O'Malley - Awkward, deferential, sweet (Kim's adjective), and somewhat goofy. Most of the other interns and doctors pick on him and give him crappy work to do. Every now and then he stands up for himself.

Dr Alex Karev - Jackass doctor who is actually pretty incompetent, killing people left and right. Somehow managed to fail one part of his medical boards. Inexplicably, gets in good with Katherine Heigl, but is unable to get it up when the time comes. Thus, he gets on this dumpy nurse instead, and of course is caught in the act by Heigl.

Dr. Shepard - Has an on again off again semi-relationship with Dr. Grey. Still married to the other Dr. Shepard, who of course is now working in the same hospital with him, leading to numerous awkward interactions between the two Dr. Shepards and Dr. Grey.

Dr. Addison Shepard - Wife of Dr. Shepard. She cheated on him with his best friend, which led to the separation. Now she's come begging back to him, and for seemingly the whole season he can't decide whether or not to fully take her back. She fluctuates between looking very good for an older woman and looking god awful. Its quite amazing really.

Dr. Bailey - Short African American female attending resident who scares everyone, including superiors. Yeah, didn't see that one coming.

And for any girl who tries to claim this is not a "girl show" - Give it up. This is just one step away from a soap opera. And its a small step.

How much do the New York Knicks suck?

Last night, me, Kim, Ben, and Gibbs were at Kate Kearney's. Not one, but TWO separate guys came up to us and asked if we wanted tickets to tonight's game, free of charge. And they were not bad seats either (looking online, the face value was $87 each). We declined, and one of the guys trying to give the tickets away gave up, leaving them on the bar's pool table.

Four weeks ago, I had told Ben that I was going to burn the Eagles Super Bowl Futures ticket that I bought in Vegas this past Spring. Me and Ben had swapped our Phillies and Eagles Futures at some point over the summer, and while the Eagles ticket in my possession was technically Ben's, we both knew that the ticket was essentially worthless. The Eagles were 5-6, without Donovan McNabb for the rest of the season, and facing a nasty stretch of games that would certainly end their second consecutive disappointing season.

And then... an uninspired win against Carolina. A squeaker of a win against Washington. A back and forth affair against the Giants where the final score does not indicate how close the game was. And then this one sided beatdown of the Cowboys.

These wins have been more satisfying than any wins in recent years by the Eagles. Before last year, the Eagles were the class of the NFC East. The Cowboys, Redskins, and Giants all pretty much stunk. Thus, when we would inevitably win the NFC East, it wasn't too exciting. All we would think about is whether we would make it to the Super Bowl. There was no drama, mainly because we were just so much better than our division rivals.

Not so this year. The Cowboys were viewed at one point as the best team in the NFC. The Giants, who have lost like 6 of their last 7 games, started off so well that they currently hold the last wild card spot. The Redskins - well they blow and will always blow. But the thing is - the Eagles were pretty big underdogs coming into this stretch, and they've won. And I guess when you're actually the underdog and you win, it makes those wins that much sweeter; something that I never experienced much at Duke, or with the Eagles the last few years.

Ben is lucky that I didn't actually burn the Eagles futures ticket.

Last year for Christmas my brother got me a gift card to a golf course. He usually puts on it whatever a round plus a cart would cost, and I usually use it over the summer. Well, this summer was particularly hectic, and the one time I tried to use it I couldn't get a tee time because they had a tournament going on. So, I was coming home this past Thursday, having still not used the card.

I eventually got around to reading the fine print on the card, and it says that it expires after one year of non-activity. So at that point, I was then hoping and hoping that my brother had been especially lazy about his Christmas shopping the previous year, and perhaps did not buy it until Christmas Eve.

I resolved to call the place first thing Friday morning. My plan was simple - I would call them and ask them to check the balance on my card. If they said something like "0", I would beg them to see if anything could be done. If they said some positive number, I would drive over immediately and buy things in the pro shop.

So I called them up and selected the "pro shop" option on the phone, and got a not very smart sounding guy.

Evan: I have a gift card, and I was hoping you could give me the balance on it

NVSSG: Oh, hmmmmm. We usually swipe them here.

Evan: Okay, but there is a sixteen digit number on the back, you can probably just type that in.

NVSSG: Okay, let me try. (minute passes). Nope, its not letting me type it in.

Evan: Well see, here's the thing. I don't live particularly close to the course, and I was given this last year for Christmas. And the card says that it expires after one year of no activity. I don't want to drive all the way to the course only to find out it was bought on, like the 19th.

NVSSG: I'm reading the card and it says that it expires after one year.

Evan: Yes. Correct. Now, you have to be able to type in the number. It can't be the case that if this card was de-magnetized that it would lose all its value, right?

NVSSG: Let me try one more thing. (I suspect he tried the exact same thing). Nope, doesn't work.

Evan: Is there someone else I can talk to who might know how to do this?

So he transferred me to someone else, who apparently is a higher up, and he didn't know how to do it either. He took down my name and number, and said he'd call back.

Amazingly enough, he called back within like 5 minutes (I was in the shower as I certainly did not expect a call back so soon, so he left a voicemail.) He said that the balance was $65, and that the card was bought on Dec. 19.

Hmmm. Sooo... can I use the card?

I called him back and thanked him for getting back to me so quickly, and asked if the one year expiration was going to be a problem. He said, "Oh no. There is no expiration on these things."

Okay.

So I drove up to the course, fully expecting the pro shop to attempt to deny my usage of the card. I walked around until I found the pro shop, and I found the door locked with no lights on inside. I was getting pissed off. I called the course again, and magically got the pro shop on the phone! The NVSSG told me to come near the bar. Ah, perhaps a newer shop had opened up near the bar!

No, the pro-shop in the winter was apparently the bar.

So my selection was extremely limited - golf balls, golf gloves, or snickers bars (or maybe alcohol, but I didn't want to drink so early in the morning. He gave me no problem with the card, luckily. I just bought as many golf balls as I could (in single sleeves, unfortunately), and was on my way.

*I used to get incredibly annoyed with all of the local drivers in Charlottesville - its like they are secretly competing for the "worst drivers in the world" distinction to compliment their "best place to live" award. People do not use turn signals when turning, use turn signals when going straight, intentionally miss stop-lights, stop at crosswalks when people are 50 feet away from the curb, can't navigate a four way stop, and on and on.

One day I was driving behind a UVA facilities truck that was exhibiting all of these chracteristics at once. I thought my usual thought - "I hate everyone." But then I thought about it some more. The guy in the truck is not in any hurry to go where he has to go; he'll get paid the same no matter what. It is actually in his best interests to go as slow as possible. He likes working about as much as I do. Its not necessarily that he is a bad driver (although by living in Charlottesville, that likelihood must be quadruple whatever the national average is), but its just that he is in no rush to get to the next job of back-breaking physical labor.

Thus, I'll give facilities guys, and really anyone driving around for their job, the benefit of the doubt about their driving abilities. I'm sure this will make them sleep easier at night.

*I can't decide which of the following two commercials currently running on TV is worse:

1) The ESPN the magazine commercial (continuing the trend of awfulness) where they have a non-real athlete turning down a 50 million dollar contract because the owner of the team would not throw in a subscription to ESPN the magazine, and then denying it again when he was unable to get the 10 dollar MP3 player that they are throwing in as part of the deal; or

2) The awkward Jared / Michael Strahan commercial that is a pathetic attempt to stem the rising tide and momentum of Quiznos.

*A bunch of us went to the X Lounge for dinner last night, located just off of the downtown mall. It was pretty nice, except for the bill, which tends to get quite high. In any event, here are some quick reviews:

Roasted Duck Breast - This was pretty great. There was this red wine reduction with it that raised the duck from a 7 to a 9. It was served with spinach, which was surprisingly tolerable.

Kobe Flank Steak - Ryan got this. There was this buttery sauce on top of it that was speckled with the rainbow colored bubbles that indicate dishwasher soap remained in the pot used for the sauce. Still, it was tasty. Unfortunately (for Ryan), it was served with lima beans. Lima beans instead of some potato form? That's just an insult.

Chicken Breast w/ Polenta - Jesse got this, and only managed to eat two bites in between a 30 minute trip to the bathroom and a nice walk outside. The rest went to me and Ryan. Mostly me. The polenta was spectacular. The chicken was alright.

Duck Confit on Flatbread - Like a mini pizza with some sort of indistinguishable meat on top of it. Not recommended.

Fries with Cheese and some Random Oil - There is some special name for this dish. I forget it, other than it starts with "P" and sounds like a dirty word in another language. These are a must get. The fries are oily, soft, and perfectly seasoned. And the cheese is a perfect topping.

Macaroni and Cheese w/ Truffles - Everyone loved the macaroni. Except me. I thought it was good, but nothing to write home about.

Tanqueray Ten & Tonic - The waitress said that they had it. I ordered it. Then she told me they were out of it. Foiled. I had some Stella instead.

Overall, the X Lounge is a pretty good date place. Not that I could identify "hip" if I saw it, but this place seems pretty on the ball, especially for Charlottesville. Almost uppity to a point. Its not a place I'd go to hang out and have a few beers, but I think I'll take Kim here on her next trip down.

What did Tara Conner do that almost got her booted from her Miss USA Crown? According to WWTDD:

Tara Conner is on the verge of losing her crown after testing positive for cocaine, lustily kissing Miss Teen USA in public and sneaking men into their Trump Place apartment

It was announced today, however, that she will keep her crown and go into rehab.

Best Miss USA ever.

From today's Sports Guy Chat:

Chris, Seattle: and The fact that everyone makes such a big deal about an NBA brawl and not so much about a MLB brawl smacks of Racism, I don't care what people say.

Bill Simmons: Couldn't agree more. Everyone involved in this fight was black, so the players are now "out of control" and the whole thing is "a disgrace." But when a white baseball player charges a white pitcher, it's all in good fun. It's a little weird.

I love it when people make race an issue when it is totally not. The reason that this brawl got so much publicity is:

1) In the age we live in, every incident is blown out of proportion; and
2) The Artest / Detroit melee was the last big incident in the NBA

Why is this different than, say, Michael Barrett clocking A.J. Pyrzinski after a home plate collision? Well you see, there wasn't a baseball incident in 2004 where Ben Sheets jumped into the stands, tried to beat down a fan, and then Richie Sexson came running in and cold clocked another fan who had ran onto the field. That didn't happen. And if that were to happen, you would be sure that, White or Black, the next baseball brawl would get an enormous amount of air-time.

You see, before the Artest brawl, I vaguely recall NBA fights also "being in good fun." But when you have players attacking FANS, and when that incident was the last incident to occur before this one, you can't help but think "disgrace" about a sport and its players. This particular fight would have gotten just as much pub as any NBA fight, had it come BEFORE the Artest debacle. But as the first major incident to come after the debacle, it gets extra publicity and condemnation.

It is incredible how hard people search to find racism as the underlying cause of anything remotely wrong in the world. Everyone remember when Terrell Owens did a MNF skit with some Desperate Housewives theme and Tony Dungy said it was unfair to stereotype Blacks in that way? Or did anyone see the Ray Lewis interview on ESPN when he wondered if the Tennessee Titans treatment of Steve McNair's release had to do with the fact that he is Black? I mean, the Titans / Oilers only have the best pedigree of Black QBs in the NFL.

Its not a funny skit - its race.

Its not that Steve McNair is perpetually injured - its race.

Its not that this was a brawl that invokes memories of one of the most appalling incidents in sports history - its race.

Couldn't agree more.

Beer pong + Ryan's hockey equipment = Idiocy

Today will be like most Sundays for me. I will watch a lot of football on Sunday Ticket, and during those games I will see approximately 10,000.002 ads with Ben Roethlisberger or Chad Johnson imploring me to buy a fathead.

According to Wikipedia, a fathead is a:

Fathead is a brand name of oversized wall graphics manufactured by Fathead, Inc. Currently, Fathead's product offerings include images of NBA, NFL, MLB, NCAA, NHL, Star Wars and NASCAR athletes such as Chad Johnson, Kyle Petty and Kevin Harvick, which can be used to decorate flat surfaces such as walls.

Now you may be thinking - okay, its like a poster, but bigger, and it sticks on its own. Thats sort of cool in a 10-year-old kind of way. And you think "its sort of cool," for about 20 seconds. This is because, in that 20 second span, the commercial has somehow told you 5 different times, in 5 different ways, that "Your dreams have been answered. Now you can indeed re-peel and re-stick a poster wherever you want it."

After seeing these stupid commercials, you may be wondering - how on earth does this company stay in business? This cannot be that popular of an item - yet it has two big name NFL superstars as its spokespeople, and it is advertising during almost every NFL game (and sometimes on ESPN during non-NFL games). It can't cost that much, right? Its just a big re-peelable sticker!

The price?

$149!!!! Although their website currently says that there is a buy one, get one free promotion going on, which I suspect has been going on for their entire existence. So lets assume that the price is $74.50. Who on earth would pay $74.50 for this? It boggles the mind.

And for the real kicker? It is so difficult to actually put on your wall, it comes with "installation instructions!" There is even a video on their website of how to do it! Hahahahahahaha!

Man, I love seeing destined-to-fail businesses in action.

In the course of mocking Ryan's purchase of a citronella collar (which supposedly will spray cintronella into George's face when he barks, but we have no idea if it works because we don't have a battery for it), I came up with the "Three Strikes and You're Out!" shock collar.

The first shock delivered when the dog barks is a pretty painful one. If the dog barks a second time, it gets an incapacitating shock, definitely putting it out of commission for at least a few minutes. The "Third Strike" shock puts the dog down... for good. Because honestly, if the dog hadn't learned by that point, it was never going to learn.

Patent pending, patent pending, patent pending.

For those of you who are out of tabs, there are free ones up at the reference desk on the second floor of the library. They're orange and come in a spiffy little holder that says UVA Law Library and has a picture of the law school on it. Sweet.

The law school tends to become a more comfortable place during exam time. People start wearing sweatshirts and warm up pants, as opposed to jeans and a polo shirt. People stop shaving... or bathing, apparently. In essence, the law school becomes your new home, and you basically act how you would act as if you were actually at home.

However, there are lines that need to be drawn. I have no problem with people bringing along space heaters, tons of food, sleeping in chairs, or whatever. But I do have a problem with someone putting his feet up on the table in this room of the law library. Especially when its at a table I'm sitting at.

Dude, you're not at home. Nobody wants your stupid sneakers on the table, especially in a room like this. Its disrespectful. And of course, this was a 1L reading civil procedure.

Thus far in my law school career, I've taken 10 final exams. There have been numerous variations on what I'm allowed to refer to during these exams. For example, I've had:

*Open book, open notes, open hornbook
*Open book, open notes, no commercial items
*One piece of paper with whatever you want written on it
*Closed book

However, the most nonsensical (and wasteful) restrictions have been put on me for the exam I'm taking on Saturday. For that exam, it is open book, open notes, no commercial items... but... wait for it... I have to have my notes in hard copy form.

WHAT?

That's right, I now must bring in 65 pages of typed notes into the exam, because apparently using ctrl-F is too much of an advantage, and thus would not give a true indicator of my knowledge of the topic. No, instead, lets have 5400 pages of notes (approximately 90 students in the class, approximately 60 pages of notes each) be printed for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. And you know where everyone's notes are going right after the exam.

So now I'm stuck with figuring out the best way to quickly refer to my notes during the exam. Table of contents? Tabs with topics written on them? And now I have to find a freaking industrial stapler to fasten them all together!

Argh!

I've noticed that my left wrist / forearm has been a little sore lately. Like when I bend my hand back, it hurts like all hell. What is the problem?

Well its probably that I play Guitar Hero around 1 - 1.5 hours a day. And I played it much, much more when we first got it around a week and a half ago. It was probably the worst possible thing we could have acquired with finals quickly approaching.

But apparently, I am not the only one with Guitar Hero related injuries:

Dombrowski said the Tigers' athletic training staff discovered that Zumaya's forearm pain was more consistent with the action of a guitar player than a baseball pitcher. The Tigers asked Zumaya to stop playing the video game, and he did. Zumaya then pitched pain-free during the World Series, and went 0-1 with a 3.00 ERA in three appearances.

When I got home from my evidence final and Christmas shopping, I was greeted by a package from 1800-Flowers. But luckily, it was not flowers, but a flatter, book shaped box. Kim had sent me a nice sausage and cheese package from Dan the Sausageman!

Here is the story of Dan the Sausageman:

In 1988 I started selling sausage and other snacks out of an old Dodge Dart. I drove my reliable old car down the main streets of Seattle to the foot hills of Mt. Rainer entering businesses and presenting my goodies. I must admit the beginning was not easy, but it was a challenge I always enjoyed. After a few months I perfected my introduction. I would enter an office and say, "I am Dan the Sausageman". People laughed, and I sold - Dan the Sausageman was born.

Anyway, we cracked open a block of cheese and the Roasted Garlic Red Pepper sausage, and man, was it good. It was a little spicy, but not too spicy, and the spiciness gave way to pure sausagey goodness. The only problem with the package was that it contained some "gourmet crackers," and by "some" I mean 6. Two tubes of sausage, two blocks of cheese, and six crackers? That didn't cut it. But luckily, the sausage was good enough to eat sans crackers.

I can't wait to try the other roll of sausage tonight. I'll have to buy some crackers though.

I was in Target today, buying Christmas gifts, and this woman in front of me wanted to pay with a check.

A check???

Why not just bring some farm animals and crops to barter with?

I didn't even know people still carried checkbooks around. I mean, I guess I could picture like an 80 year old woman paying with a check, but this woman was in probably her late 30s, early 40s. But this wasn't what really got me.

She didn't have a pen.

You want to pay with a check, and you don't have a pen? Come on!!! And of course the Target cashier didn't have a pen because Target uses electronic signing for credit cards. So there had to be this quest to find a pen. Yada yada yada, Evan got annoyed.

One of my favorite things to do now is to try to say the most incredibly wrong things I can regarding law school subjects. I've gotten Mark into it too:

(11:20:04) Mark: income tax deferral is usually just more trouble than its worth
(11:20:15) Evan: yeah totally
(11:20:17) Mark: b/c you're generally going to pay the same amount whenever you pay it
(11:20:24) Evan: also, make sure you pay enough so the government owes you a refund
(11:20:28) Mark: yea
(11:20:34) Mark: cause getting that refund is great
(11:20:38) Evan: its free money!
(11:20:41) Mark: its like unearned income!
(11:20:44) Evan: totally
(11:20:50) Mark: i mean, what else can you ask for??
(11:21:01) Evan: don't you like free?
(11:21:06) Mark: i love free

I wonder what would happen if I did this on an actual exam. For instance, what if on my evidence exam I wrote something like:

"Evidence of a character trait or predisposition may be introduced by the prosecution only if it shows that the accused, because of the character trait or predisposition, is more likely to have committed this particular crime, and if it is highly prejudicial to the accused. This is because we want to make sure that the jury convicts the defendant. Even if he did not commit this particular crime, he probably committed a crime in the past that he got away with, and thus he deserves to go to jail."

The most likely result would be the unheard of law school F. However, if I was a law school professor, and the ENTIRE exam was full of obviously, blatantly wrong answers, I might get a chuckle out of it and think, "Okay smartass, I get it. You know this stuff. B+."

Tomorrow is the first day of exams for 1Ls (1Ls have fixed exams, 2Ls and 3Ls have flex, meaning we can take ours whenever we want), and I have this uncontrollable urge to walk around the law school and give out the same advice that a 2L gave me last fall during a poker game.

Ha ha ha ha! Oh man, you realize how important these exams are, right? Ha ha ha ha! You realize how important your 1L GPA is, right? You know these things, right? Ha ha ha ha!

This is an absolutely great sound recording of a man v. Verizon's management and customer service reps. Although its excruciating at times too.

To set the stage, he was quoted a rate of .002 cents per kb, downloaded approximately 35,000 kb, and then ended up being charged around 70 dollars. However, Verizon's customer reps are not very good at math.

This is from a sample exam for copyright:

Agnes makes her living by making and selling "Dominatrix Dolls," which are children's dolls that reflect bondage-dominance or sado-masochistic (BDSM) situations...

Each Dominatrix Doll is custom-made, and they reflect a variety of BDSM situations and fantasies. In order to turn a Candy doll into a Dominatrix Doll, Agnes removes the doll clothing that Candy comes with and then prepares the doll depending on the situation. For instance, to reflect a bondage-and-whip doll, Agnes may simulate whip marks by scoring the doll's back and painting on "blood" dripping from the "wounds..."

She has also frequently used the other Candy-related dolls to represent the other participants in BDSM conduct when the situation calls for Candy to have a partner of the same or opposite sex. For instance, she markets a "Dominatrix Doctor's Office" set, which features a modified Candy doll wearing a nurse's hat and a leather bikini and a modified Randy doll, who is strapped to the examination table and whose leather lab coat is open to reveal several fetishistic body piercings and hot-wax burn marks...

I can only hope that tomorrow's exam is as interesting as this fact pattern.

If you ask me, our professors are underpaid. If you are bored and want to find out just how much they are in fact paid, click here (2004 numbers).

Last night I was complaining how my firm had not showed me any love, in that they have not sent me any free goodies. No ipod, no jacket, not even a 3 song download card. Charles then went out to Taco Bell while me and Mark continued to play Guitar Hero. The UPS man then showed up with three boxes. One of them was addressed to me, in a box that had cow type markings. I opened it and there was a tin of brownies inside.

Charles returned from Taco Bell to find me complaining that I didn't like brownies.

In any event, if you would like a brownie, just come by my table in the law library within the next 5 hours (it is currently 11:07 AM right now). I'm on the second floor. Walk past the information desk, towards the windows, and I'm at a table before you reach the windows. Look for a red tin on the ground, or me staring blankly at my copyright book / notes. While supplies last.

Last year when I was a 1L, I wondered why I sensed a general hatred coming from 2Ls and 3Ls. I hadn't done anything in particular to them. But they sure seemed surly.

Yesterday, it all became clear to me in one annoying moment.

I was in Scott Commons, which is a nice area where some people read, some people eat, and some people chat a little bit. I was sitting in one of those nice comfortable blue chairs, reading up on my Trusts and Estates reading (remember, probate is always cheaper than intestacy!), when suddenly a herd of 1Ls came barging in. There were at least 7 of them. 3 took the empty chairs around me, and the other 4 either stood around or sat on the round tables. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, they all started talking at once about some inane exam related topic. I got up and left.

Now yes, I recognize that they have as much a right to that area as I do (probably more so, as I can go study in a quiet room, whereas they cannot talk in one), but I think this just underscores the differences between 1Ls v. 2 and 3Ls. While we are all law students, there are HUGE differences between us, aside from the fact that 1Ls travel in packs while 2 and 3Ls do not.

Its easy to think of the first year and a half of law school as "hazing."

*8 final exams which each constitute your entire grade in a class.
*A weekend of journal tryouts.
*Finding a 1L summer job.
*LR&W oral arguments.
*Working that summer job where you have no idea what you're doing.
*Approximately 20 on grounds interviews and numerous callback interviews where you try to convince a firm that you will not fuck up too badly if they are foolish enough to hire you.
*And countless other things that I have not wanted to do but done anyway.

1Ls have not done any of these things. They have not gone through the trials that the rest of us have. And because they haven't, we subconsciously scorn them. But once they have completed their initiation tasks, they'll be one of us. And then we'll accept them willingly. Until they're done "rushing," they're nothing.

A student emailed our Dean of Student Affairs with this, regarding our current screwed up parking situation here at UVA Law:

"A minor concern: With the crowds this week flowing into the D-3 lot, some students seem to have forgotten parking etiquette. Mainly, when there is a line of cars waiting for a spot, it's not Uva-like to jump ahead and troll the lot with your own eyes. I don't think some people know about this "unwritten rule" and perhaps should be reminded."

Um, I have never heard of this "unwritten rule." In fact, this is directly contrary to what 99% of the world would do in this situation. There is no "line" to get into a parking lot like the D3; its not a parking garage, and even in a freaking parking garage its first come, first serve. You get in and start looking. If I see a car waiting at the entrance, you know what I will do? Drive past them and think "sucker."

With both finals and the holiday season quickly approaching, I'll give out some finals tips that are certainly going to help me get through my finals. Enjoy and memorize these!

Evidence - Remember, its not hearsay (corrected, thanks to Laura) as long its offered for the truth of the matter stated.

Trusts and Estates - Probate is always cheaper than intestacy. Always.

Corporations - Buy-sell agreements are stupid and you are stupid for even bringing that up.

Copyright - Copying a copyrighted work is okay as long as you give 1% of your profits to the copyright holder.

*If you are in the law library right now, at the table closest to the Westlaw lab is a student who has elected to take up an entire side of a table. He has done this by removing one of the chairs, and then positioning himself right in the middle of his side of the table. Man, what a tool. If you really need that much room to study, why don't you go home?

*Our plumbing isn't working very well at home, and our landlord and a plumber basically gave up last night, telling us to not use the toilets and shower "if possible." So I'm currently unshowered, and I specifically came to school to drop the kids off at the pool (well, and study, and get away from Guitar Hero).

*Joe Buck mentioned this yesterday, but Tom Coughlin made a TERRIBLE move at the end of the Cowboys / Giants game yesterday, and while it seems like it might not have affected the outcome, it potentially could have been disastrous.

So the Giants are down 7, and they have the ball with 2 minutes left, 3 time outs. Manning throws a dump pass to Tiki, who breaks some tackles and ends up on the 12 yard line of the Cowboys with 1:42 left. Tiki is stopped in bounds. There is absolutely no threat of you running out of time - you either are going to score or get stopped on a fourth down, but you are not going to run out of time in this situation. The key consideration is, of course, to make sure the Cowboys do not have much time left to kick a winning FG after you score.

The referees signal a timeout, and me and Charles both assume that it was the Cowboys who did it, to try to make sure the Giants don't run the clock down too far. No, the Giants inexplicably called a timeout. WHY??????

Okay, so they called a timeout. Do they run the ball immediately after the timeout, to maybe keep the clock moving? No. Pass, pass (they did take their 30 or so seconds in-between the subsequent plays, indicating that eventually they did realize that they should burn some clock), TD, and the Cowboys now have over a minute to score a FG. Well done G-Men.

*For any of you people who have EVER, EVER said that a Quarterback / Point Guard / Pitcher's job is simply to WIN, I give you Rex Grossman, QB of the 10-2 Chicago Bears. Grossman was 6-19 for THIRTY-FOUR yards and 3 interceptions. He also rushed 4 times for -9 yards. The Bears won 23-13. But hey, none of his interceptions were returned for touchdowns, so that's something! He must have managed the game really well!

*My Byron Leftwich + 50 fantasy points v. Charlie Frye bet that I made with Mark at the beginning of the year, which seemed like such an ultra-lock at the time, and then swung to being doomed, has reached a hilarious point. Frye needed 15 points or so this week to pass Leftwich, was well on his way to that (10 points in around a quarter and a half of work), and then suffered what I'm hoping is a broken wrist. This would be the greatest $25 win ever.

Its odd, whenever I see the term "Proxy Fight" in my corporations studying, all I can think of is:



CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!!

That probably won't help very much on the final.

Food Place Review: Aberdeen Barn

As promised, we went to a "nice" restaurant last night to celebrate the final round of offers being accepted. Apparently, Mark and Charles were not interested in another trip to Ponderosa, which boggles the mind, but to each their own.

Aberdeen Barn bills itself as "Virginia's Finest Steak House," and it has prices to match. It also has parking to match, as we had a hell of a time finding a parking spot. Extra parking led us through a narrow entrance where I'd estimate that 50% of cars going through it will bottom out. We found a spot of dubious legality and wandered into the Barn.

Seating was immediate, although we did make reservations. Forms of bread (long sesame sticks and bagel crisp type things) came out immediately, along with, not pats of butter, but a crock of soft cheese spread. Its hard to quantify how much better this cheese was than butter, but I'll estimate it at 4 times. That might be a lowball estimate. We went to town on the crisp type things, and when they were done we were forced to eat the very stale and hard sesame sticks. The stick things are really only useful as a method of conveying the cheese spread into your mouth, so if possible, stick to the crisps.

Our servers were attentive, always filling up our water and other drink glasses as well as taking away our dishes. However, our waiter did trick me. I wanted to substitute a cup of soup for my salad, since I hate salad. He said that I could do it but there would be a charge. I said fine. Of course, the charge was the entire cost of the soup. I guess that technically qualifies as an "additional charge."

Regarding the soup - While it was okay, I'm more used to the thicker versions of french onion soup. It also was a little bit too salty at times, when maybe a little sweetness would have been better. Charles and Ryan both got the lobster bisque, and I vaguely recall Charles saying he wasn't too thrilled with it. Well, they don't claim to be Virginia's finest soup house, but the finest steak house, so I guess they can get a pass on that.

I ordered the regular cut of prime rib, and this thing must have been over 2 inches thick. It was ginormous. I didn't even get the "extra thick cut," which is currently making me wonder just how thick that thing must be. Despite the size of my steak, it was very tender and cooked well. The flavor was above average too. I was unable to finish it, but I'll attribute that to my mystery illness which has yet to leave me, rather than any wussiness on my part.

Incidentally, when your doctors can't figure out what is wrong with you, the last show you want to watch is House. And for some reason I watched 2 episodes of that last night. Now I can't help but think of the mystery things that could be attacking various parts of my body.

Ryan, Mark, Nicole, and Jesse each got some other steaks (like the NY Strip, barn special, etc.) but each of these paled in comparison to Charles and my prime rib, if only due to sheer size. There steaks looked like hamburger patties compared to our prime rib. Combine in the fact that the prime rib is actually cheaper than many of the other menu items available, and you have the clear choice for what you should eat at the Aberdeen Barn.

By the way - you actually do get a side item with your steak, unlike some of the super premium steak houses that demand you pay an extra $7.00 for your baked potato. Pats of butter, sour cream, and bacon bits are provided in big vats at the table so you can make your potato however you want to.

The checks came, and while I don't recall us asking the waiter for separate checks, he nontheless brought out 5 separate checks, which was very helpful. No fuss about it. That was a nice touch to end a very nice meal.

Overall, The Aberdeen Barn is a good place to go to if you have a hankering for a steak. I mean, its no Ponderosa (and indeed, you can make probably 5-6 trips to Ponderosa for the cost of one trip to the Aberdeen Barn), but if you're into "nice" places, this is a good place for you.

7 thumbs up.

Restaurant Review: Acme Smokehouse and Barbecue Company

For Jesse's offer acceptance dinner, he wanted to go to the above mentioned place. How he even found out this place existed is beyond me, as it is a hole in the wall shack that I had never even heard of. The name even sounds made up. It is up Route 29, past the Wal-Mart. There isn't much signage, and we nearly got into an accident or two before we eventually found the turn in.

To say that the place is a bit "odd" is quite a large understatement. It looks like it came out of the past in its decor and lighting. Its kind of depressing in there actually. Things are very dim, the walls are an odd yellowish color, and there aren't many windows. It is only open until 7 PM - so you can't get a semi-late dinner. Its not open on the weekends either. Charles suggested that it is a front for some sort of illegal activity, which sounds quite plausible when you actually see the place.

And for some reason this place is a wi-fi hotspot.

The food was alright. There isn't much of a selection - you can get meat sandwiches (BBQ, chicken, or brisket), or you can get meat sandwiches along with some sides. The sides include creamed corn, banana pudding, and beans, but mysteriously does not include french fries or hush puppies. Charles gave the creamed corn a big thumbs down, while the sandwiches were ok. I thought the brisket sandwich was reasonable - it is very easy to mess up brisket, and they did not mess it up, but it was not particularly memorable.

So on a scale of 1 to Ponderosa, how would I rate Acme BBQ? I'd rate it a 5. If it was closer to our residences, it would rate slightly higher, but its a far trek for BBQ that is not particularly great.

Tonight we go to Aberdeen Barn for Charles's acceptance dinner. Should be a bit of a contrast from Ponderosa and Acme BBQ.

I'm no expert on darts, but I'm betting that I won't be able to ever do this again.

Michael Richard's racist rant + video editing software + library of Seinfeld episodes = hilarity.

Kudos to the creators.

Even Easterbrook is way off at times. From this week's TMQ:

Plus, "Vanderjagt" Sounds Like a Flavored Schnapps: Speaking of coaches blaming players, last season Bill "Mr. Personality" Parcells blamed his kickers for the Cowboys failing to make the playoffs. Dallas spent a lot of money on kicker Mike Vanderjagt, and now he's been cut for missing a game-winning kick. Where, exactly, is the coach who has a kicker who never misses at the end? "Win as a team, lose as a team." In individualistic sports such as basketball and baseball, individuals can play well or poorly regardless of the overall effort. But in football, when you win it's because everyone played and coached well, and when you lose it's because everyone played and coached poorly. To shift the blame for an entire game to the kicker over one single play is unsportsmanlike and petty. Thus, fitting behavior for the NFL coach!

The problem with Easterbrook's analysis is that Vanderjagt wasn't cut for missing a game-winning kick - he was kept on the team after the Redskins game fiasco in week 8. No, he was cut because he has missed 5 kicks this year (including two 40 yarders against the Colts). And in this past week's Thanksgiving day romp over the Bucs, Vanderjagt nearly missed every XP, and barely squeaked in a 22 yard FG. Parcells didn't have confidence in Vanderjagt, and for good reason cut him before he actually did cost the Cowboys a game. No blame has been shifted, it was simply a smart move.

After 11 days of being gone from school, I am now faced with the reality of (1) Finals rapidly approaching; (2) Having a mystery illness which I hope a doctor can identify later today; and (3) Living with George, the world's worst dog, for a four week uninterrupted stretch.

I recently asked myself, which would I rather have: A secret Jennifer Love Hewitt sex video or George "disappearing." And honestly, its a toss up. Perhaps the JLH sex video scale is something that we can introduce into our lexicon. Would you rather have X or a copy of the video? And ladies, remember - You may not want the video, but virtually every guy in the world does. Thus, you can use it as a super powerful bargaining chip.

My friends and I always talk about how if Vegas is the major leagues, Atlantic City is double A. The atmosphere is so much better in Vegas. However, AC is still nice because it is only a 2 hour trip from NYC. And it had been awhile since I'd been there - approximately 3 months!

Me, Ben, and Vijay went to The Borgata this past Saturday. If AC is double A, the Borgata is the dominating champion of the minors. Actually, it is nicer than a lot of the Vegas casinos we've been to. The waitresses are generally hot and wear these nice slutty outfits, the drinks usually come pretty regularly (and you get full beer bottles, not cups), and the place just "feels" infinitely nicer than any other AC casino. Even the chips are nicer.

I arrived at 3:30 PM or so, which is when Ben and Vijay were supposed to arrive from NYC. However, they managed to get lost coming down. How you get lost going down to AC from NYC is beyond me, but they managed to drive around Newark, get into a minor car accident, and then go West on the Atlantic City Expressway. Ben blamed it on the GPS in the car, which makes their ineptitude even funnier. But eventually they arrived. We did a shot of Soco and lime in the B Bar and headed for the craps tables.

The first few shooters were nondescript... I saw a chumpy looking guy on the other side of the table (who I nicknamed "chumpo"), and declared that I was going to Don't him really hard when it comes around to him. It came around to him, I Don'ted, while Ben and Vijay passed. He rolled a point number of four, which made me feel really good. Then his next throw somehow carrommed off the back wall in the air, landing as a four, which sent our side of the table into roars of approval. Except for me.

"Chumpo, eh?" Ben asked. I usually stick to my guns, but this time I backed down and said that I'd pass him. He rolled another four point, which elicited some groans, but then immediately rolled another four. Four fours in a row!

"Chumpo? I'm going to make sure you remember this call of yours."

His fifth roll was somehow yet another four. Oddly enough, all of these fours had been the 3/1 variety. Clearly, he couldn't hit another four.

His sixth roll was yet another 3/1. Amazement and cheers around the table. Six fours in a row? What are the odds?

(1/12)^6. Whatever that is, its a large number. And he followed up his amazing four streak by hitting a couple other points, and by the end of his run we were each up a couple hundred dollars.

"Chumpo! Great call Evan!"

So it got to be dinner time, and we joined Ben's parents (who were nice enough to get us a room for the night) at the Borgata Buffet. Dinner there is always great, but its a little better when you're going into dinner with a cushion of winnings. We filled up on the usual assortment of sirloin steaks, prime rib, macaroni and cheese, potatoes, etc. and made our way back to the craps table, this time with Ben's parents in tow.

His parents usually stick to the nickel slots (but mind you, they play like 25 nickels a button push, so that really adds up), but we managed to get them to the table. Things did not go too well, and although Ben's Mom's rolling almost kept us above water (her throws were not pretty, and one throw managed to go about half way down the table before ramming into a stack of chips and dropping straight down, luckily winning us money), we each lost most of our winnings. Ben's parents left, and we retreated to the room to regroup.

My fear level had risen from 25 percent of maximum to 75 percent of maximum as we headed back to the tables after our room regrouping. The table minimums would now be $15 instead of $10, and I no longer had that winnings buffer. Since I only had $300 on me, my night could be over rather quickly, which is one of the crappier feelings in the world. We moved into a table and started laying down our bets. We treaded water for the most part, until this one older roller down the table got the dice. Me and Vijay passed him. Ben elected to don't him. Yada yada yada, Ben somehow was down $500 and off to the room to cry, while me and Vijay were still in ok shape.

What followed is somewhat fuzzy in my mind. I seem to recall rolling for quite awhile, and during my roll one of the great things that can happen to you on a craps table started happening. I apparently had bets out on the table that I didn't recall (probably due to alcohol), and the chip woman was giving me money for rolls that I didn't think gave me money. I rolled an eight. She laid down 45 dollars in my general direction. Noone moved to pick it up. So I picked it up. No ruckus, no commotion. I guess I had a come bet on the eight! And since I was betting the come bet consistently, that meant I had the bet still up there for the next roll. I must have rolled like 4 or 5 eights in a short span. Everything was going right. I was asking what people wanted and then hitting it. Then I would demand that they bet more on their pass line bet, and then I would hit that. The chip woman even paid me too much on one roll. I picked up the chips and then tipped her a five. I was hot.

And then, as I had just released the dice down the table, some moron put his arm down to place a bet. Even before the dice hit his arm, I (and probably everyone else) knew what would happen.

4/3. Seven out.

Watch your god damn hands!

Yes I know, it has no real effect in the long run. We even won a roll earlier in the evening when someone hit the dice. But it is just the worst feeling in the world when some moron isn't paying attention and "causes" everyone to lose. Gibbs is the master at doing this; he is well known for inflicting maximum pain on us with his buffoonery at the table.

Even the moron's arm couldn't stop me overall. I had a full rack of chips in front of me for the first time ever. Me and Vijay cashed out, each up a fair amount. We went up to the room to mock Ben, who was of course already in bed. Unwisely, me and Vijay both went back down to gamble some more, and predictably lost a fair share of our winnings in record time. But we both left as winners on the trip, which is pretty nice no matter how you got to that point.

Watching Michael Vick play the QB position is one of the more comedic experiences in sports.

Yes, he is very fast. Yes, he makes a lot of cuts and makes people look quite foolish. But you see, there is one prerequisite to being a QB in the NFL. You need to be able to actually throw the football to people. And those people have to be on your team.

Every Vick season in recent memory has followed the following progression:

Early Season: The Falcons start out winning games, but Vick has terrible stats. However, commentators remind us that the QB's job is to "win the game," so Vick is doing a great job!

Mid Season: Vick has a 2 to 3 week span where he throws like 5 or 6 TDs against crappy defenses. Commentators now declare him a great pocket passer and that he has finally "turned the corner."

Late Season: Vick has absolutely terrible games against average to decent teams, throwing for unfathomably low amounts of yards. Unlike the early season games, the Falcons lose many of these contests. Commentators declare that Vick is a special, unique athlete who just needs to be put in the right position to win.

Just what that position is, noone knows. Maybe as a kick returner? A scat-back? A small forward on the Miami Heat? One thing is for sure - that position is not quarterback on an NFL football team.

Jim Mora Sr. recently called Vick a "coach-killer," and Mora Sr. has been villifled in the media for these comments. Of course, the comment is true - Vick single handedly hurts his team more than any player on any other team. Watch any Falcons game, and in-between the commentators defending Vick by saying that lots of QBs who were not "pure-pocket passers" were very successful, you will see two to three absolutely moronic decisions by Vick. Taking a 17 yard sack on 3rd down to knock you out of FG range. Taking a sack on 3rd and goal from the 1 to make sure you can't try for a TD on fourth down. Fumbling the ball because he waves the ball around with one hand when he runs. Heave hoeing a ball into triple coverage, or in some situations, to no Falcon receiver in particular.

And these are just the egregiously bad plays. There are plenty of other questionable or just plain bad throws by Vick.

There is a simple response to Vick-defenders who claim that there have been plenty of successful QBs who were not pure-pocket passers. Every one of them - Young, Cunningham, Tarkenton - could, in addition to run with the ball, actually throw the ball where they wanted! Vick can't do this! He can't even do it when he's not in the pocket. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Vick gets more leeway than almost any athlete in professional sports. He's special. Or he's unique. Or he's just such an athlete. But come on. He's fun to watch, but he's not a good QB. You don't need completion percentage, yards passing, or QB rating to realize that.

Things I learned yesterday:

1) Some law school classes can be actually useful in everyday conversations

It is exceedingly unlikely that the Federal Rules of Evidence or the duty of loyalty that directors owe to minority shareholders in a corporation will come up in any non-legal chats with friends. One thing that actually did come up last night were the requirements to obtain a copyright, and that you need to actually register your copyright to bring a lawsuit. Of course, I did not know how much it costs (if anything) to register a copyright, which just underscores the difference between theoretical law school knowledge and actual practicing lawyer know-how.

2) Shopping carts lying in the middle of the highway suck

I was driving down Route 130 last night, which is a pretty major highway in New Jersey, when out of nowhere there was a shopping cart lying in the middle of the road. I swerved to avoid it, but didn't swerve quite enough, and now I have a large dent above my passenger-side headlight. Stupid shopping cart.

3) Guitar Hero 2 is awesome



On Monday, me and Kim were walking through Wal-Mart and I noticed a Guitar Hero 2 package, which included the game and the guitar controller for around 75 dollars. I thought this was particularly cool; while I had never played the game, I had heard good things about it. Its sort of like Dance Dance Revolution with a guitar instead of a mat. Kim said I would be the biggest dork in the world if I bought that game. I said I might put it on my Christmas list.

Well last night I went over to Scalise and Berryman's house, and lo and behold they had Guitar Hero 2. A bunch of us started playing it, and man is it awesome and addicting. I don't care if I look like a damn hell ass fool, that is going on my Christmas list.

Given the dearth of quality weekday afternoon programming on television, Kim put on "Real Life," which is apparently this MTV series where they film a couple people trying to make it in a new city. Or doing something new. Whatever.

The theme of this one was about moving to Las Vegas, so I thought it might be okay. Maybe they were going to film a guy trying to make it as a professional poker player, or maybe a blackjack dealer. Or maybe, if I was lucky, some silicone filled bimbo would try to make it as a dancer.

Unfortunately, the first girl moving to Vegas was a pretty-but-not-too-pretty aspiring model / actress. She wanted to move to Vegas because LA is too cuthroat. Not surprisingly, the modeling does not go particularly well, due to her lack of distinguishing features. Hilariously enough, she ends up having to get a job as a Hooters waitress, which is made somewhat more funny by her lack of a chest. She then ends up entering into beauty pageants where she does not place. Eventually, she gets new modeling pictures of her where she looks more slutty, and I think she is still trying to make it in Vegas.

The other story was a duo of a gay guy and an overweight girl who are moving to Vegas for no particular reason. They want to see if they can "make it," and apparently part of "making it" is living rent-free in your family's extra Vegas house. The not-pretty girl attempts to get a job in a casino, but given her lack of any skills whatsoever, she suprisingly cannot find a job. She runs out of money and goes home. The guy does not even attempt to get a job, instead choosing to live off of his mother's credit cards while going out to clubs every night. However, he contends that he has a plan and knows what he is doing.

Which just leads me to think - what happens if one of my kids ends up like these morons? I say now that there is no way in hell I'd let my lazy-jobless son live off of my credit cards, but maybe I'll grow soft in my old age. I sure hope not.

If there is one thing I learned after watching Sunday Night Football on NBC last night, it is:

Save the cheerleader.

Save the world.

Good lord, their subliminal messages (didn't they play it in whispered tones at the end of other commercials too?) are working!

I met a Columbia Law 3L on Saturday night, and she is apparently uber-smart (or uber-hard working, or probably both) as she is one of the higher ups of Columbia Law Review. We were chatting, and Gibbs asked us which year of law school is the hardest.

I was about to reply how the first year blows the last two out of the water, but she jumped in and said "this one."

You know, I don't think I've given enough thanks to Professor Howard for making sure that my grades didn't allow me to diversify my way onto Law Review.

There are few things that are as infuriating as someone telling you you're wrong when you are definitely right. For example, if you are playing blackjack, and you are dealt a 12 v. a dealer who has a 2 or 3 as an upcard, basic strategy says you hit. However, you would be amazed at how many players will bitch at you when you hit, and then when you actually reply that basic strategy says you hit, they shake their head like you are some sort of moron.

And you think, how on earth do these people get their information? Even intelligent people have these misconceptions about gambling. For instance, one of my housemates a couple nights ago conjectured that Roulette is the best game to play in the casino, when in fact it is one of the worst, with a house edge of 5.26 percent on every bet save one (and the one bet that it isn't is significantly worse).

Again, the question arises - where do these theories arise?

I've found part of the answer. It is magazines like Maxim.

Last month's issue of Maxim had a one page spread titled something like "How to Play Craps like an Expert." And while I do not have that issue on me right now, there were no less than three glaring mistakes on the page concerning what the correct odds were on certain bets. It was as if some drunken monkey just estimated odds and wrote them down, and Maxim then published them.

However, this month's issue Maxim outdid itself, by having a feature called "21 Steps to Win" in blackjack. Lets go through some of the more blatantly wrong "tips."

3) In single-deck games, the house edge has only a .18 percent edge; in an eight-deck shoe, their edge skyrockets to .43 percent.

That is probably right, but what you're neglecting to mention is that single-deck games usually have a terrible rule where a blackjack pays only 6-5 instead of 3-2, which makes it a HORRIBLE game to play.

4) Always double down on an 11, unless the dealer is showing an ace. You should also double down if you have 10 and the dealer is showing 4,5, or 6.

Actually, if you follow basic strategy, you double on an 11 against ANYTHING. Why would a dealer ace bother you? The dealer already checks for blackjack before you can do anything, so if you even have the option of hitting or staying, the dealer doesn't have a face card under there. And if you have a 10, you double against anything except a ten or ace.

9) If anyone at your table isn't using basic strategy, get up. Their idiocy will cost you money.

Uhhh, yeah. It'll cost you money... or make you money. Or... if you want the truth, it won't matter in the long run. Idiots help you just as often as they hurt you. People just don't remember the help as much as they remember the pain. Anyone recall the Entourage scene where the guy splits his tens (never do this), which leads Ari to go on a tirade how the guy is taking the dealer's bust card, which then leads to Vince making like 500k on one hand? It happens both ways, and it evens out in the end. .

10) Playing to the dealer's right or "third base," lets you draw before he does, giving you control over which card he takes next.

This is probably the stupidest thing out of all the things written on this page. Are you like Number Two in Austin Powers, where you have an x-ray eye? You are? Then this tip probably is correct. However, if you do not have an x-ray eye, or if you lack the requisite psychic powers, this tip is sheer idiocy. You can't control the next card if you don't know what it is. Come on!

14) Don't split 8s against a dealer's 9, 10, or ace.

Um, didn't you guys watch Swingers? You always double on 11. Its like splitting eights. ALWAYS.

20) At a $5 table, playing $1 for the dealer is good luck.

Great tip. Tipping the dealer is good luck. This is a step to win. I would expect nothing less from you, Maxim.

It boggles the mind how this sort of stuff gets published. I swear, I would edit this information for Maxim for free, just to decrease the likelihood of people arguing with me in casinos.

In conclusion, for the love of God, don't let magazines like Maxim dictate your gambling. Don't be that guy.

Game Review: Bully (PS2)

The premise of Bully is brilliant, as it is something that not been touched on by any other game that I can think of. You are a new kid at a boarding school, and you must navigate the various cliques of Jocks, Greasers, Nerds, Preps, Townies, and of course authority figures in your quest to, not only survive, but to dominate the school.

The game should remind players of Grand Theft Auto, and not just because it is made by Rockstar. You have the same viewpoint, the same open ended "pick your mission" setup, the same targeting for weapons, etc. And this is one of the biggest problems with Bully - its not Grand Theft Auto. Unfair, maybe, but that is what this game is compared to, and it doesn't stand up to it at all.

The missions in Bully are not particularly creative, and most are ridiculously easy. Many missions have you running errands for teachers or other individuals. Pick up item X at this location and bring it back to me. That's it. No obstacles, no people expressly trying to beat you up, nothing. Mission accomplished. The more involved missions may force you to pick up two items. Or maybe three. And the ultra difficult missions may even put you on a time limit.

For the missions that do not involve retrieving a particular item, usually you will have to fight someone. Combat in this game is pretty satisfying, as your character has a wide array of kicks, punches, combos, knees to the groin, etc.



That being said, it is extremely difficult to lose in physical combat. Your foes may occasionally block your punches, but most of the time they will just take your punishment and then fall down. Thus, it is fairly difficult to lose any combat based mission if you are giving even the least amount of effort. In fact, I've actually won some combat based missions without doing anything in particular, because one of my allies had elected to just beat everyone into submission.

What about the rest of the missions? There are some creative ones. For example, you have to take 3 incriminating pictures of a particularly snotty cheerleader for the head nerd to drool over. This requires you sneaking into the girls dorm's showers and into her bedroom. And in one mission you have to tip over a porta-potty in order to get back at a pervert gym teacher. However, these missions are not only few-and-far between, but also ridiculously easy as well. For the most part, the only time I lost missions was when I got bored and decided to punch an authority figure.



Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of cool and smart parts of the game. You have two classes a day to go to, and if you don't go you are truant and subject to any authority figure chasing you down. You have a lot of side quests to complete in your attempts at 100% completion. But it seems like Rockstar just kind of went through the motions with it. The game had such a great premise. There was such potential. And yet when you beat the game, you think to yourself... "that's it?" Its such an empty feeling, and you never want that at the end of a game.

.01 thumbs up.

I'm leaving school tomorrow night for Thanksgiving break, giving me a nice 11-day span of not thinking very much about classes, firms, or anything related to the legal profession. I'm looking forward to it - I think this is the longest Thanksgiving break I have ever had in my life. Events currently planned include a trip to Atlantic City, Kim's birthday, Thanksgiving Eve fun in Cinnaminson bars, and a Guinness/Harp/Smithwicks tasting event.

Some people have expressed surprise and jealousy that I'm taking an 11-day Thanksgiving vacation. And that almost makes me feel a little bit guilty. But I am only missing four classes (and I thought it was going to be three, but our Evidence professor has apparently played a rope-a-dope on us and we are in fact having class this Friday). And don't I deserve this break? Well, probably not, but I'm taking it anyway.

Back in October, our house started a tradition where once one of us accepted a job offer for summer employment, we would all go out to dinner to celebrate. When Ryan accepted his job, we went out to the nice German restaurant that is a few hundred feet from our house. It was a good time.

Since I accepted my job offer yesterday, we had to go out to dinner. I did not want to go out to a nice place, as I've had my fill of nice lunches and dinners up in New York during this interviewing season. I wanted to get back to my roots. I wanted Ponderosa!!!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ponderosa, it is basically about the cheapest "steakhouse" you could ever go to. You spend around $10 for a steak and potato, and with that you get access to the buffet spread, which is the real prize. The buffet has all sorts of items, like mashed potatoes, corn, chicken wings, salad, jello, etc. It is a meal in and of itself.

I grew up eating at Ponderosa. On most Sundays, my family would go to Ponderosa, and since I was a very picky eater, I would chow down mostly on the chicken wings at the food bar. If you want an idea of how they taste, Charles described them last night as very similar to what KFC tastes like. In other words, they are super delicious.

After I graduated from Duke, me, Jim and Stasko decided that whenever we actually got jobs, we would celebrate by going to Ponderosa. We did that and it was wonderfully painful.

Ryan: On a scale of 1 to Ponderosa, how excited are you to be going tonight?
Jesse: 3
Charles: 0

Thus, against the wishes of Charles and Jesse (Charles offered to buy me a nice dinner if we could just go somewhere else), we headed off to Pantops to gorge ourselves on cheap food and steak-like products. We tried making up a Ponderosa song to the tune of "Bonanza," but it failed miserably.

However, Ryan noted that we are in fact already winners.



We arrived and ordered our food. If you look at the menu, the buffet costs $8.99. My steak (an 8 ounce sirloin) with a buffet cost $9.99. Thus, my steak essentially cost $1. What a value!

I started off with my favorite, the chicken wings, although I did add corn and mac and cheese to my plate as well.



After almost filling up on these items, my steak arrived. It was not particularly good, but what do you expect for a dollar? It was edible, I ate most of it, and thats really all that can or should be said about it.



Ryan then got his steak, ate half of it, and proceeded to make one of the worst noises I've ever heard involuntarily come out of a human body. It was like a burp, only if some strange non-person animal had made it. He declared he had hit the wall, and slowed down considerably.

Jesse, in the meantime, continued to chow down on the buffet, making four separate trips up to the food bar. He described the lima beans as the opposite of good, but he did enjoy the chicken wings. The blue jello on his plate was probably the healthiest item available.



To finish things up, me and Ryan got some soft ice cream, and eventually we all left as conquering heroes.



The aftermath, was of course, painful. This was to be expected. But it was worth it. Ponderosa's own website states:

We don’t think you can eat this well for this amount of money anywhere else.

That pretty much says it all.

*41 On grounds interviews requested
*26 On grounds interviews taken
*10 Callback interviews
*7 Flights on propeller planes flying out of Charlottesville
*1 Canceled flight coming back to Charlottesville from LaGuardia
*1 Missed connecting flight in Charlotte, causing me to sleep at Janelle's apartment
*18 out of the last 38 days spent in New York City
*1 Partner-interviewer who elected not to show up in his office
*1 Interview sabotaged by Evan that day
*1 Interview accidentally sabotaged by Evan by taking the leftovers from lunch back for Kim
*1 Instance in an interview where my time at The Chronicle (and subsequent canning) was discussed
*1 Offer from that firm
*2 Umbrellas received
*4 Reimbursement checks still outstanding that I desperately need
*19 Classes missed due to callbacks
*1 Cold-call that came despite emails to the professor the night before saying I was stuck in Charlotte
*1 Firm for Evan

Have you seen this flask?

Last night, I brought this flask full of rum along to Annie's apartment for her PILA pre-party. I wasn't planning on drinking, but Ryan, Jesse, and Charles definitely could have used it. I put it on the bottom shelf of the fridge.

And someone stole it.

Honestly, who the hell steals a flask full of liquor? Thats just such a toolbag move. Whoever you are, you are a pitiful excuse for a human being, and numerous poxes will be cast upon your house in the next two years. You may wonder, why did my cat die? Why did my uncle turn out to be a child molester? Why is the partner I'm working for making me stay till midnight every night for no discernible reason? Well, you can just look back to this incident. Stealing someone's liquor is despicable. You lose.

And now, on behalf of the many people who have followed this team during those dark days and the entire college football world, we offer the following analysis of the Rutgers football game last night:

Holy @#$&*#!!! - Steve Politi, The Star Ledger

I watched the game last night in NYC - Kim doesn't have ESPN, so we had to watch the important parts in a bar. It was absolutely packed with people, and although it seemed like there were only a few Rutgers fans in there, everyone was rooting for Rutgers, if you get that distinction.

I suggested to Kim earlier in the night that if Rutgers won, we should take the train down to New Brunswick to see the chaos that likely ensued. I lost that battle, as she has to work and I have to visit a firm in an hour or so, but man, being in New Brunswick last night must have been hot.

Fuggetaboutit!

Tonight, Rutgers faces off against Louisville in, as ESPN says, their biggest football game in 140 years. Which is odd, because Rutgers and Princeton played the first intercollegiate football game in 1869, which would mean that ESPN is predicting that for the next 3 years, Rutgers will not play a bigger game than this. But here's to 2010 for Rutgers! Fuggetaboutit!

Rutgers holds a special place in my heart as essentially my third school. Duke for undergrad, UVA for law, but in the years between Duke and UVA, I basically pretended I was a Rutgers student. I lived in New Brunswick and Highland Park with Rutgers students. I took Rutgers buses back and forth to work. I played intramural tennis with Rutgers students and went to Rutgers gyms. In short, I was a Rutgers student with work simply replacing class. So whenever Rutgers is on TV, I like to root for them.

Rutgers is fun to root for because, inexplicably, they are never good at anything. They are the State University of New Jersey, yet have a terrible time recruiting anyone good. The closest they came to goodness in sports was when Jason Williams (not the shotgun wielding murderer, but the Duke basketball star who ended his NBA career with a motorcycle accident) wanted to go to Rutgers. However, his parents essentially forced him to go to Duke. We know how that ended up.

As an extra kick to the groin, Dahntay Jones, the star of Rutgers basketball at the time, decided to transfer to Duke.

The football team has been particularly pathetic, but they are on the upswing and last year went to only their second bowl game in their storied history. This year they are undefeated and playing in a very big game tonight against #3 Louisville. Go Fightin Sopranos! Fuggetaboutit!

Some people may be wondering where those nicknames and slogans originate. It all stems from a Sportscenter highlight many years ago. Rutgers was playing Miami (when Miami was really good), and somehow was winning. They were blocking punts, making big plays, and ended up only losing by like 7 or 14. During the highlight reel, every time a Rutgers player did something good, the Sportscenter reporter would yell, "FUGGETABOUTIT!!!" And he called them the Fightin Sopranos. And thus that is what I will always know them as.

No, no. This does not concern the elections today. Much like Cutty in The Wire, I cannot vote. Well not really, but that is my line until i come up with a better one.

The decision concerns what law firm am I going to work for next summer.

I have it down to two firms, and right now it may as well be a coin flip. The firms are very similar in practice areas, compensation, and reputation, so I'm forced to look to other factors. For example, Firm A has treated me extremely generously, and is known for continuing to do this when you are an associate. Conversely, Firm B's travel agent tried to put me on a connecting flight from Charlottesville to LaGuardia, and she gave me crap about a hotel room for two nights when I didn't even ask for a hotel room for one. However, I have enjoyed meeting with the people from Firm B a little bit more. Firm A counters this by giving me my own office as a first year and by being business casual year-round.

I haven't ever really had to make a decision like this. Duke, Kaplan, and UVA were easy decisions for various, distinct reasons. But now I'm faced with a choice that will likely dictate how much I enjoy the start of my legal career. And sure, I can always change firms after a couple years, but who wants to do that?

I guess I have some thinking to do this weekend. Good thing I'll be completely blitzed at the PILA auction on Saturday night, and mostly hungover and non-functional on Sunday.

"Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

Or not.

When I was creating my schedule for this Fall, the lack of classes that I was interested in created an odd schedule - two classes on Friday, but no classes on Monday. I didn't know what to make of it - I had never even heard of a no-Monday class schedule, while of course a no-Friday class schedule is more the norm than the exception.

This no-Monday thing has turned out to be worlds better than a no-Friday schedule.

First of all, lets analyze what happens on your basic Friday. Whether you are at work or at class, Friday is the easiest day to be there. The weekend is ahead of you, professors and bosses tend to take it easier on you, and you may or may not be hungover (so you don't even really care whats going on). In short, Friday is barely like a day of work. On the other hand, Monday is probably the worst day of the week. You still have at 4 days of grueling pain ahead of you, and you just came off of the best day in the week (Sunday with its 12 hours of football). Its quite depressing being at work or class on a Monday. There's a reason that the saying is about a case of the Mondays as opposed to a case of the Fridays. So if you had a choice, which would you rather have off?

Secondly, having Monday off implicitly makes Sunday that much better. When you're watching football or baseball (or doing whatever girls do) on Sundays, you always have it in the back of your mind that Monday is lurking right around the corner. Its sort of like the last day a vacation - you know that you're supposed to be enjoying the beach and whatnot, but you can't help but think of having to go to work the next day. However, when you have Monday off, the Sunday becomes that much better! I think these Sunday's I've had this semester have been some of the best of my life. I just lay around, watch football or baseball, and give absolutely no thought whatsoever to the perils of Monday... because I don't have any!

On the other hand, if you have Friday off, its not going to make your Thursday any more enjoyable. You're probably going out on Thursday night anyway, mostly because you don't give a damn what happens on Friday. Whether you have off from work the next day or not, on Thursday night you're enjoying the fact that Friday is right around the corner, and thus having it officially "off" adds nothing to either Thursday or Friday.

Lastly, there are a ton of fringe benefits about having Monday off. If you go golfing on Monday, you have not only a more empty course (I think more people take off Friday to golf than Monday), but you pay weekday rates, instead of the weekend rates they impose you on Friday. You have all day to do whatever you need to do, and then you can settle in for some nice Monday Night Football, Wrestling, or whatever floats your boat. For example, I just went to Wal-Mart to return that stupid noisy/smelly space heater. Sure, I had to wait in the return line for 5 minutes because some woman didn't have any identification for the return... but on probably any other day there would be 5 of those people in front of me instead of just 1.

11 thumbs up to having Monday off.

The heat in our house does not work particularly well, so I went and bought myself a heating fan yesterday. There were plenty of models to choose from, some in the 40 dollar range, and others as cheap as 10 dollars.

Not surprisingly, I went with the second cheapest model, figuring that the biggest difference in heating fans must be the amount of heat they generate. And since it only needs to heat my small room, something like this:



would suffice.

Unfortunately, this heating fan is insanely loud. The fan I'd been borrowing from Ryan is like 4 times as big and 3 times as quiet. This fan reminds me of when I sit near the propeller on the prop planes from Charlottesville to LaGuardia. Additionally, this fan's heat created a nasty smell. Perhaps it is just because it is new, and the smell will dissipate with time. However, I'm not going to risk it. I'm going to return this thing Monday and go with a more expensive version.

Maybe the same wisdom that CDW said about chicken pot pies applies to heating fans. You really, really, don't want to get the cheap versions.

In every week's issue, the Law Weekly (the UVA Law weekly newspaper) has a thumbs up and thumbs down section. Last week's section included:

"Thumbs up to the student who, to a group that was taking Professor Sprigman to lunch, sent an email saying, 'Sprigman's riding bitch.' Sprigman was on the email list, and now your grade is riding bitch, big guy."

And this week's Law Weekly includes an apology, because apparently some people (some women, apparently) were offended by the term "riding bitch."

That is god damn moronic. It would be as stupid as if someone wrote in to the Law Weekly for this week's use of the term "Black Monday." Jesus, who the hell are these people??? You're writing a letter to the editor about the term "riding bitch"? I guess when you have no friends because of your utter lack of social skills, you don't have to worry about who is sitting in the middle of the backseat. I can't believe that these people are going to be my fellow lawyers.

What a bitch.

I love being a 2L. Absolutely love it. I'm not a 1L studying my ass off and living in fear, and I'm not a 3L who realizes that the real world grind of a legal career is right around the corner. I'm in a perfect spot.

I wasn't stupid enough to schedule a class that meets regularly on Fridays at 9 AM, but my Tues/Thurs 9 AM has two "extra" classes that are scheduled for Fridays at 9 AM. One of those is tomorrow. And there is absolutely no friggin way I am going.

I don't even have a "real" reason for not going, other than I simply do not want to go. I might go out tonight and get drunk. I might just stay in and watch the WV / Louisville football game (although neither of them is going to get past Rutgers. Fuggetaboutit!). I might do absolutely nothing. But the one thing I am certain of is that I am not going to that 9 AM tomorrow.

I haven't been to three of the last four classes. I know someone who has not gone to this particular class for the last month. Nobody cares anymore. I love it.

It is well known that I love the chicken and rice stand on 53rd and 6th. I've actually brought this stand up in many of my interviews with firms who are located near the cart. I've told people about fights breaking out in the line between people who think others are cutting. Well, the bar just got raised.

The tragedy unfolded as Noel and Shannon Gibbons and a pal waited in line for falafel at the kiosk on Sixth Ave. at 53rd St. A man later identified by police as Ziad Tayeh, 23, accused the trio of cutting the line.

I'm sick of those stupid Applebee's commercials.

First of all, I have no idea who Tyler Florence is. Apparently he on the Food Network, but I watch a LOT of Food Network, and I have never seen this guy on. Wikipedia says that he has some shows, and his Food Network TV bio list a lot of shows I have never heard of, which only means to me that his various shows have failed.

Maybe they've failed because he looks like a toolbag.



Ugh. Lets get a Giada pic to get that nasty taste out of our mouth.



Ah, much better.

Anyway, lets recall his stupid commercial.

"I take a WHOLE chicken breast"

A whole one? An entire chicken breast? No, I don't believe it. Not for one second. This is unfathomable.

And then you season it? With bread crumbs and herbs? Wow! I never thought of that! This is incredible? Genius!

And then you serve it up with an "incredible" salad? Sheesh, this sounds too good to be true. I'm going to Applebee's right now.

Here is the problem - who on earth is going to go to Applebee's because "celebrity" chef Tyler Florence is now associated with it? And who is going to go when your signature dish is apparently a breaded chicken breast with a salad? No matter how much you talk it up, people are not going to be interested in a dish that would take like 5 minutes to prepare in your own kitchen. Come on.

I've only been in NYC for Halloween one other time - and that was when Kim drug me along to some Asian club where we were probably the only two people who were not in costume. But last night's Halloween weekend Saturday was quite an interesting experience. There were an incredible amount of people dressed up. Kim got quite a kick out of seeing a tennis player with a headband in short shorts, Ben got a kick out of seeing six guys all dressed like Superman screaming across the street at a guy dressed up like Hulk Hogan, and I got a kick out of seeing lots of not attractive girls thinking that a slutty costume somehow makes them more attractive. It really only amplifies what you already are, and Ben commented that while he rarely wishes that a girl would put on more clothes, last night there were plenty of instances of just such a wish being made.

We ended up at one of the few bars that did not have a line or an inordinate amount of people dressed up. The bouncer noticed my Duke long sleeved tee shirt and asked if I still went to Duke. I said no, that we graduated a long time ago. He then said that he went to NC Central in the mid 1990s and wanted our take on the lacrosse scandal. Me and Ben stated how virtually every interaction we had with them was negative, and how they are generally despicable human beings. The conversation went from there, and we then ended up discussing Bullocks BBQ. I suppose everyone will be going there on reunion weekend in April. I doubt they'll be taking reservations.

Near the end of the night, we RPSed to see who would buy the last round of beers. Our first go was one of the most blatant examples of a tooling you will ever see in RPS (we both agree on this). I told Ben that I'm leaning towards rock. And of course, Ben knows that I'm lazy and do actually like to throw rock. So of course, he should then throw paper. But, giving me a bit of credit, he then figured that I'm really going scissors. Which would mean that he should in fact go rock. Yada yada yada, I knew when he would stop giving me credit, and went one step further.

Evan: Rock
Ben: Scissors

Check and mate.

Today marks the beginning of the end of my interviewing season, as I have my last trip up to NYC. I haven't been around CVille for what seems like the last month (were I not so massively hungover right now I would count the days and see if I have spent more time out-of-town than in town, except... massive hangover), but the end is in sight. It was pretty neat at first, staying in nice hotels and meeting all sorts of interesting and non-interesting people, but now its just getting old. Meh.

Berde asked me earlier tonight why I want the Cardinals to win so bad. Aside from the $30 that I will win, the reason why is that commentators will not be able to justify why the Cardinals won. They will not be able to say "chemistry" or "wanting it more" or "heart" or some ridiculous reason. Everyone recognizes that the Tigers are the better team, but the better team does not always win, and trying to find reasons why the inferior team won is like trying to find reasons why tails came up on the coin flip. Its just stupid, and I'd love to see baseball commentators try to "reason" why the Cardinals defeated the Tigers. Like Billy Beane said, its just a crap shoot.

And also I'd like $30.

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I think Fishman's Pedro Martinez analogy towards Bill Simmons is spot on. For those of you who don't read comments, Pedro Martinez was the best pitcher on earth a few years ago. Absolutely unhittable, and he did it in a spectacular manner day in and day out. You were amazed if he ever made the slightest misstep. Now, he's a shell of himself. Every now and then he puts up an amazing outing, but sometimes it is a debacle. This is Bill Simmons to a tee. (For a perfect (and timely) example of a debacle of a column, just click here to read Simmons's latest work for ESPN. It has no coherent theme at all, which is fine if the tidbits are hilarious, but none of his points here are particularly funny.) Pedro has a physical excuse. What is the reason for Simmons's decline?

One of the biggest problems with his most recent column is, like most of his recent works, have become too Sports-Guy-Centric. For instance, the main reason he wrote this "column" is to defend his Matt Leinart column that is coming out in ESPN the Magazine this week. He also talks about how he got to preview a Playstation 3, how he predicted a nickname for Joseph Addai, and for the one millionth time how he's "calling" Rajon Rondo as the next big thing and how we will somehow owe for it. I'm somewhat amazed that he didn't bring up his bandwagon calling of the Rams and Saints, because that appears approximately 3 times in every other column.

Incidentally, he gives himself far too much credit for guys and teams he has "called" in the past. While Papelbon was a lights out closer, Maroney has been not even fantasy-worthy, and his Howie Kendrick call was absolutely terrible. Funny how nobody brings up that little gem of a 1B who had 1 home run in over 275 plate appearances.

Along with the point I brought up in the comments in the previous post about how he lost his bitterness, the reason he has lost his appeal is because of this Sports-Guy-Centricness of his column. When he's writing about sports events that we watch on TV, such as a running diary of the NBA Draft or some MLB playoff games, its good. We're in the same boat because we're watching it on TV just like he is. And when the BoSox were losing, we could at least sympathize with him. But when he's playing video golf against Tiger Woods? Come on.

There's a reason the saying after a decidedly unfunny story is, "I guess you had to be there." In the past, we all were there, watching the same hilarious things unfold on the playing field. Now, we're not there. We're not at the movie premiers with the stars. We're not playing PIG with Shaq. Those stories can still be good, but their ceiling is significantly lower compared to a recap of the Artest / Pistons melee that we all saw together.