My "vacation" for the last few days has consisted of spending time with Kim's family out in California (somewhat near Irvine). As this is the longest amount of time I've spent in California, I have become increasingly perplexed with the traffic situation out here.

As we drove along one of the many five lane (relatively small I suppose) highways out here, I compared the situation to New Jersey. In Jersey, you have mostly three lane highways: 295, GSP, Turnpike, Route 1, etc. While the traffic on these roads is bad during rush hour, it is usually manageable during other times.

On the other hand, here you have friggin 7 lane highways with HOV dedicated lanes, and traffic is OBNOXIOUS at all hours. This is particularly odd to me, since NJ is much more densely populated than California. More people in a smaller area with fewer lanes of highways = less traffic? Fewer people in a larger area with more lanes on highways = more traffic? Evan confused.

Kim's sister said that for the last two years she has been trying to figure out why this is the case (she moved here from NJ). She thinks it is because people are out of their homes more often since the weather is nicer here. She also credits the more laid back attitude of Californians. However, I have a simpler theory. In short, people here cannot drive. They go 70 mph in the fast lane, they randomly cut across 5 lanes, and they just STOP for no real reason. Kim's theory is an offshoot of this - there are more Asians per capita here than Jersey, which strongly contributes to the poor driving of the population as a whole. That theory makes a lot of sense to me.

The "Californians suck at driving" theory is further strengthened by the fact that EVERY INTERSECTION has a left turn arrow traffic light. Seriously? You really need that arrow every time? We can't trust these people to figure out when its okay to make a left on their own? I guess whoever the traffic planners are realized that Californian drivers are like infants, in that they need their hands to be held at every possible decision point. I swear I saw a blinking traffic light for a merging lane into an interstate (and I know we did one of these in Nevada). All of these things make driving the shortest distances here take twice the time. I will never be able to live here merely because of the debacle that is the California traffic situation.

At least the Vietnamese food out here is very good. But that is tempered by the fact that we have to drive a half hour every time we want to go to Little Saigon to get it.

Hero or goat? What's it going to be Steve Smith? I need you to get 130 yards and a TD or 60 yards and 2 TDs. You're on national TV and the Giants are in a must-win game.

DO IT!

Its funny how nobody bad ever dies. Either bad people are immortal, or nobody is ever bad.

In case you haven't been paying attention, Chris Henry, the "troubled" Bengals wide receiver, passed away last today.

Chris Henry has had quite a history with the law. I'll just cite from Wikipedia:

In 2005, he was caught speeding with no license, no insurance, and marijuana. Okay, fine, not the end of the world. I'm sure more people than they like to admit could have been caught for that at some point in their lives. Well, subtract the "no insurance" part of that, but for the other two... actually, just the marijuana probably.

In early 2006, he was arrested on multiple gun charges, including assault with a firearm. "Assault" doesn't actually require any physical contact, so it was probably he pointed the gun at someone and threatened them. Again, that's probably something we can all sympathize with. People get in my way, I take out my gun and threaten them. Its like a reflex.

Later that year he was arrested for sexual assault. Turns out the accuser recanted and was charged with filing a false report. Yet he was hanging out with 18 year olds and getting them drunk. It probably wasn't rape. But when there is smoke, there is fire. Especially when someone has lit numerous fires before.

The next year, he was arrested two more times, both for alcohol violations. Then he was suspended two times by the NFL. THEN, he assaulted (again, remember "assault" doesn't require physical contact) a valet, and was arrested for violating his probation.

Finally, in 2008, he was arrested for allegedly punching an 18 year old college student and having thrown a beer bottle through the guy's car window.

So I get it. He's a good guy. Clearly! He's basically done what everyone else has done - multiple arrests ranging from sexual assault to assault with a firearm to punching a college student. Fair enough! Everyone makes mistakes.

So the story as it is right now as to how he died - his fiancee sped away from their home at 6 AM or so. She did so in a pickup truck. Henry, apparently chasing after her to give her the insulin she forgot in her hasty departure, jumped into the back of the pick-up. As she drove away (leaving tire marks in the yard), Henry began beating on the back of the truck with his broken arm (in a cast). He probably REALLY wanted her to remember to take her insulin! Anyway, he eventually fell out of the truck, hit his head, and died.

And now, we have all these stories from people about how he was turning his life around and how he was a great guy. Noone really knew him! Can't argue with that.

However, I didn't share a locker room with him, but I'm not blind. This was a guy who was called a "one man crime wave" by a judge. And he died chasing after his fiance as she SPED away at 6 in the morning. I'm sure there are multiple explanations that don't fault him for this. And the stories will probably come out as such, since again, bad people are immortal / don't exist. But I'm not sad.

Sometimes the universe works itself out.

Holy crap! There is a guy in the NFL whose last name is "Incognito"!!!!

Of course, we all hope that he names his son "Guy."

Well, thanks to Roy pointing this website out to me, my productivity is shot now for the rest of the day.

Midtown Lunch

Particular posts up my alley:

53rd and 6th Halal Guys Expand

99 Cent Pizza Analysis

Tad's Steaks

I burned my forearm while making the turkey for Thanksgiving - its not the first time I've done it, those pesky hot oven racks tend to get in my way. So I had a nice line of burnt skin on me. It sort of healed over the next couple days. I made a comment to Kim that I hoped it wouldn't scar too bad, and she told me to put some vitamin E on it. I said okay, and went to our closet with the medicine and other stuff in it.

I looked and looked.

Kim usually will refuse to help me find something in that closet. This, despite the fact that there are 3 shelves (not medicine cabinet shelves, real closet shelves) crammed to the brim with random creams, pills and liquids. This, despite the fact that she is the one who puts them in there. So I usually am forced to look for things, and then after I eventually give up and decide I don't really need the motrin / cough syrup that makes you feel awesome / zyrtec, only then will Kim show me where it was. Then she looks at me like I'm blind.



So here I was, looking for what I assumed was some sort of cream. I mean, what else am I going to look for? Maybe a liquid I rub into my burn? I didn't know. I just wanted something that had a label of vitamin E on it. Of course, I couldn't find it and gave up. Then Kim walked over, grabbed a bottle of gel caps and handed it to me. She also made a noise indicating that, once again, I'm blind.

I still didn't know what to do with it. Do I down a few of these with water and hope the infusion of vitamin E into my body helps?

No. "Obviously," I would puncture the gel cap and then let some ooze out into my burn. Yes, OBVIOUSLY. Clearly this is the only way it could have gone when I was told to go to the closet and put some vitamin E on it. I can't wait for the next time when I'm told to get something out of that closet, and what I'm really supposed to do is:

1) Grab some bottle of pills
2) Buy a mortar and pestle
3) Grind the pills into dust
4) Add water or possibly some other liquid located in another bottle in the closet
5) Mix the powder and liquid into a goo
6) Rub onto my skin only after sacrificing a small amphibian

I don't even think the vitamin E is helping that much.

It seems like whenever I blog about commercials, I talk about how stupid they are. Well, here are two sets of commercials that I thoroughly enjoy:



1) Sony Bravia commercials with Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake (and others)

I think these have just the right amount of random. Erin Andrews? San Diego Chicken? Ping pong and both Manning and Timberlake speaking Chinese? Random small asian girl who has her whack a mole mallet stolen? They are all awesome. However, I think the indispensable factor is Manning. Manning is pretty clearly the most entertaining athlete endorser out there right now. I'm not even sure who his competition would be.

Cut that meat!

2) Sony PS3 commercials with "Kevin Butler"



These actually make me want to buy a PS3. They get the point across - Blue-ray is sweet. PS3 games are sweet. Other people in your family will enjoy the PS3 as well because it is sweet. The back and forth between the Butler character and whoever he is speaking with is perfect, with lots of quick cuts between the two of them. His mocking of Dustin Pedroia is also classic.

Here are his titles in these commercials

Director of Rumor Confirmation

VP of Enough is Enough

VP Blu-ray Superiority

STICK!

So the Tiger Woods story has been one of the biggest news items of the last few days. I personally think its AWESOME, but not because of all the mystery or the lying or the fact it deals with the seemingly pristine and private Tiger Woods. No, I love it because of the simple fact that his wife attacked him with a GOLF CLUB!!!!

I mean, is this not the funniest part of the whole story? It wasn't a frying pan, it wasn't a baseball bat, it wasn't a knife. It was a golf club! A 3 iron!

Incidentally, the 3 iron is the hardest golf club to hit well. She probably should have used an 8 iron, which is my favorite club for both accuracy and distance.

But come on, isn't this a story that you would see on The Onion? It would be like someone attacking Alex Rodriguez with a baseball bat. Or someone going after Dale Earnhardt in a Nascar car. Or Pete Sampras with a tennis racket. Come on! Doesn't this make you crack up?

What would Kim have to attack me with to make it equally as funny and ironic? A legal pad? Red solo cups? A guitar hero controller?