Oh no. Hope overload!!!! Go Phils!

Really? Really? Not only can I not find a spot in the D3 lot, but I even had trouble finding a spot down by the soccer fields? Come on! Now I'm friggin hot and sweaty, all because some lazy ass 1Ls felt like driving to school instead of taking the 5 minute walk from Ivy. I hate you friggin 1Ls, and on my way out, I'm going to look for parked cars that have an Ivy Gardens parking tag. And while I won't do anything to your car, I will remember what it looks like, and I'll have my revenge on you some day. Don't you forget it.

Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.



Probably the worst thing about being a Phillies fan these days is that they do just enough to keep you hopeful. If they simply would lose 10 games in a row, they would be out of the playoff race and I wouldn't even bother with seeing how they're doing. But no, they're always hanging around. And then, come the last week of the season, they choke against some crappy team that isn't even in the playoff race.

The current stretch by the Phillies appeared to be a make or break week. 3 games against San Diego (the wild card leader) and then 4 games against the Mets. If we don't do at least OK in these games, the season is effectively done.

So, of course, the Phillies got pummelled by San Diego in game one of that series, and then lost an absolute heartbreaker in game two. Hope was about to be completely lost, but of course the Phillies crushinated in the final game of that series. And now, with Utley back, the Phillies rode a strong pitching performance by... JD Durbin, to beat the Mets in game one of this four game set. So the Phillies have given me hope yet again. If they can just take two more from the Mets, they might get back into this thing.

That would give me hope.

It hadn't happened for a long time, but last night I finally was able to put a beatdown on not only the Borgata, but my enemies at the table as well.

And all it took was me getting angry.

It started innoncently enough. I strolled up to the craps table, up around 150, but in that precarious spot where I am either going to end the trip even or up 300. Usually in this situation, I end up even and cursing what could have been. But this time was different. And I attribute virtually all of it to this total tool two spots away from me.

I put down a "don't come" bet on the tool, as a point number, eight, was already established (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to my guide to craps). He rolled an eight, winning the pass line bets for everyone, and sending my don't come bet to the eight. His next roll was a seven, meaning that my don't come bet won. The deal put the chips in front of me.

And that's when the toolbag said to the chip man in a condescending tone, "That was my don't come bet!"

I chimed in, "No, it was mine."

And the chipman then agreed, and explained to the moron that I put down the don't come, an eight was rolled, and then a seven for my win. Pretty simple actually. But the guy apparently didn't understand this straightforward chain of events. So I got angry. And that is when I flourish.

The dice made their way to me. I noticed that the tool was don'ting me. NOBODY DON'TS ME AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE! Or you might get away with it if I'm having a particularly bad trip. But this wasn't one of them.

My first point was an eight. I hit it. My next was a ten. A tall task for any shooter. Nailed it without a problem. Next up was the six. Done. And then the eight reared its head again, thinking that perhaps I had used up my resevoir of eights. I don't think so. And in between, I hit two of my come bets. I was money.

Perhaps more importantly, I was costing the toolbag large sums of money, as he was don't passing and don't coming me for my rolls. I had visions of him storming off the table while the Borgata funnelled the remainder of his chips to me.

And then this female tool decided to crowd me. The guy who was previously next to me had to go to the bathroom, so he left a chip to save his spot. She wanted the spot in-between the two of us. Why? My guess is because she would be the next shooter (she was moving from a different spot on the same table, which is a no-no, especially at a nearly full one). Obviously, I sevened out on my next roll, and I had a new enemy.

She gathered the dice, and rolled a four. Of course, I don'ted her. She never had a chance and I chuckled a bit as I gathered my winnings. She passed the next shooter, which meant that I should don't even harder. Again, he had no chance, and she stormed off a loser. Once again, Evan wins.

After she left, the guy who was previously next to me returned. He asked how long did I roll for, an hour? I said no, but I hit four points until that stupid bitch started crowding me. I qualified it saying that I know it means nothing, but I just hate it when that happens. Its sort of like watching your hands at the table. He agreed, saying that even though he's a mathematician, it just makes you angry.

At least that stupid hoe got what she deserved.

For my last night in NYC in quite awhile, I wanted to go to Dave and Buster's, and Kim, Ben, Kate, Gibbs, and Sarah were more than happy to accommodate. Kim and Kate love skeeball, Sarah wanted to try out Dance Dance Revolution, Ben and I like Virtua Tennis and Ghost Squad, and Gibbs pretty much will do anything.

It turned out to be the best Dave and Buster's trip ever.

Things started out with Sarah and Gibbs getting onto the air hockey table. Ben and I decided to wager on it. I bet on Sarah (getting 2-1 odds), while Ben took Gibbs. Before the game started, Ben told me I was betting on Gibbs to beat himself, and I agreed. Predictably, the first goal was an own goal by Gibbs, and Ben stormed off screaming "I can't watch this." However, Gibbs rallied with 7 unanswered goals and took the match. I was down five dollars.

For some reason, there was a videocamera guy filming the whole ordeal. We figured that they were filming for a new Dave and Buster's commercial or something like that.

We decided to play some Virtua Tennis, which saw much back and forth action between me and Ben, even though Ben took the wussy way out and selected Roger Federer as his character. Taking Federer is sort of like picking Tiger Woods as your golfer. Come on! After selecting Lleyton Hewitt and whoever Taylor Dent is (he was terrible), I selected the Federer nemesis that is Rafael Nadal. Nadal put up a good fight, but when the game got away from the clay Ben eeked out a slight overall victory over me.

After a heated game of Ghost Squad, I returned to find Sarah being interviewed (on camera) by some Asian guy. It was hilarious. He was asking her random questions about the place, whether she liked the food and games there, etc. We had a ball watching Sarah, while Gibbs snuck away and played skeeball. It turns out that it was a Japanese show of some sort apparently doing a segment on American arcades.

The Japanese guys went after Kate and Ben next. They asked largely the same questions, while Ben nodded with a stupid grin on his face. Then he chimed in with the following golden nuggets:

"I like the games!"

"I'm going to play skeeball and Dance Dance Revolution!"

After that brain-numbing exchange was over, Kim asked why they weren't interviewing me and her. I said that we're Asian. If 20/20 goes over to Japan to do a segment, they're not going to interview the white people they find over there. That didn't seem to please her.

The rest of the night consisted of more drinking, everyone trying this weird bowling ball game, Sarah and I playing Dance Dance Revolution, and then a last minute trip to Chipotle.

It was a good time.

Charles recently had some sub-par experiences with the grande quesadilla at Taco Bell. So I went for round 2 today, and it was even better than before. The worker left the quesadilla in the grill press a little longer than usual, so the bread looked a little bit like an undercooked pancake. It was very filling and satisfying.

What is the lesson here?

I don't know. Taco Bells are high variance? The Taco Bell on 50th and 3rd is of an unusual quality? People either like or dislike the grande quesadilla?

I guess further research is needed.

I was flipping through the TV last night and found something called "Survivorman." At first I was very confused. Wasn't this Man v. Wild? But this wasn't Bear Grylls on TV. Did he get cancelled because of all of the hubub about him sleeping in hotels and hanging out with the camera team? Wait... this was on the Discovery channel. Was Man v. Wild on the Discovery channel?

Anwyay, I kept on watching, and it oddly seemed more interesting than Man v. Wild. Les Stroud, the host of the show, had more things to work with. For example, in one show where he was stranded in the Kalahari Desert, he acted as if the truck he was given simply ran out of fuel. Thus, he was able to root through the truck to find some empty soda cans, use his multi-tool to remove the fuel line and oil filter (to act as an accellerant for his fire), and cut up the vinyl seats to use as a bedroll. Thus, Survivorman's situations seem a bit more realistic than Man v. Wild, where Bear is simply dropped off in the middle of nowhere. It is more likely that the strandee will have some other things at their disposal.

It also seems a bit more plausible in what might be asked of the viewer. In some episodes of Man v. Wild, Bear makes a fire by using various methods of rubbing two sticks together. And in one, he actually makes a bow and arrow. There is no conceivable way I would be able to do that in the wild. However, it seems at least possible that I could do some of the stuff that Stroud does in Survivorman.

For example, he uses some of the glass jars and cans that were in the truck to set traps for scorpions, by simply digging a hole right outside a scorpion hole and placing the can into the ground. The scorpion eventually runs out, falls into the jar, and is unable to climb out. I think that is something I could manage. Similarly, while Bear makes his own rope out of plants, Stroud simply took apart a thick rope that was in the truck. Again, that is a bit more realistic.

I don't have anything witty to say to sum this up.

Go Survivorman!

So for those of you who want to know how it went down, I'll elaborate.

There were six things I first needed to acquire.

1) Heart frosted votive holders

Why I got it in my mind that I needed votive holders with two hearts on them instead of regular clear glass votive holders is beyond me, but it was approximately 100 times more difficult to acquire the former. This was because I lost my first ebay auction for 24 of them, and subsequent auctions all required me to purchase either 72 or 144 of them, which was far too many. Eventually I contacted one of these individuals by email and asked them to set up a separate "buy it now" auction for me. Amazingly, the first person I emailed refused (I guess selling zero is better than selling 24), but the second person was very accommodating, and the purchase was then made.

2) Silk rose petals

How many of these things do you buy? 500? 2000? I actually tried doing research as to how many petals per square foot is appropriate, but gave up after realizing that I didn't even know the square footage of the apartment area that I actually needed to cover. So I just bought 1000, and that actually turned out fine.

3) An SD card for a slideshow of pictures on the Wii

The Wii has something called the "photo channel" that allows you to create a slideshow of pictures to be displayed on your TV. Its a great feature; it allows you to vary the order, background music (you can put it to an mp3 if you want), and you can do some zoom effects. However, the only way you can put the pictures onto the Wii is through an SD card, and mine was in Charlottesville. So I ordered one from Best Buy for in-store pickup, and it turned out to be the most nightmarish experience I've had in a store. I will never use Best Buy in-store pickup again, and doubt I will ever make a purchase from the Midtown Manhattan Best Buy.

4) Creme Brulee

The problem about getting creme brulee for takeout is that you need a container for it. Creme brulee is made in those ceramic ramekins, and I figured that restaurants would not wish to simply give you those containers to take with you. Luckily, I bought Kim a creme brulee kit around a year ago, which came with four ramekins. So my plan was to have Akure (more on her later) go to the restaurant on the big day with two ramekins in hand for them to make it in.

Kim left one night to hang out with Jen, so in-between my Wii playing I went to the box with the creme brulee stuff in it. Only it was empty. Odd. So for the next hour I tore apart the apartment looking for those stupid ramekins. No luck.

So I explained my situation to one of the few nearby restaurants that actually served creme brulee, and the manager guy said it would be fine for me to take the ramekins out and return them the next day. I was pretty happy about that, and it worked out great. Thus, that restaurant, Ferro's, gets a shout out here.

Kim had let her sister borrow the creme brulee kit (but not the original box that it was usually stored in).

5) Champagne

I just had Akure pick this up on the day of, from the liquor store around the corner.

6) Keys

Given that the last time I tried to have an extra set of keys made, the first locksmith flat out refused to do it (he said he didn't have a key that matched it), and the second one said that it would be difficult but she'd try (but that key ultimately failed), I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get a set of keys made. But I got lucky, and the first locksmith I tried this time was able to do it.

So on the day in question, I took Kim out to a non-descript dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant that we frequent. Once we got out the door of the apartment, I texted Akure to get things in motion. She already had the candles, rose petals, and keys in her possession (I had given her them the week before), but she had to call up Ferro's to get the creme brulee started, and she also had to pick up the bottle of champagne. Akure had approximately an hour to get it all done, and she did a great job of it. When Kim and I got back from dinner, the apartment was magically transformed. Candles were lining the hallway and main room, rose petals were on the ground, a slideshow of me and Kim was on the TV, and creme brulee, champagne, and the ring were waiting on the table.

Done and done.

Stupid shiny pebble.

However...

Engaged!

The most Philly-oriented example of Joe Morgan's idiocy? With Jimmy Rollins on third base, Pat Burrell drew a walk.

Joe Morgan: The Braves are doing something interesting. Teixeira (Braves first baseman) is playing halfway behind Burrell. Burrell can run!

Except for the fact that Burrell might be the slowest non-catcher in baseball.

Just to drive Morgan's wrongness home even more, Burrell, who was on 2nd base, was thrown out at the plate when he tried to score on a single to right.

It was on a 3-2 count with 2 outs, so Burrell was even running on the pitch.

And he was out by a MILE.

I just turned in my blackberry. I'm distraught.

I'm sure you've seen the commercials for the new Taco Bell Grande Quesadilla. Its basically your normal taco bell quesadilla, except instead of the thin flour tortilla, they use a thick pita bread. Does it make a difference?

Oh boy, does it ever.

The bread is, quite simply, phenomenal. Not only does it taste great and fill you up, but it takes a bit of the edge off of the cheese, which sometimes overpowers your taste buds. In short, it is the perfect change to a classic stand-by. I also am hoping that the thicker bread has the effect of quelling the usual gastrointestinal problems that accompany a Taco Bell meal. Since I've only eaten the Grande Quesadilla 15 minutes ago, I will let you know the results of it at some point in the future.

Until that point, however, I am quite full and happy. It was $4.11 after tax (NYC prices), and I don't feel cheated at all.

One thing that definitely needs to be created is a "Lawyer's spellcheck" for Word. When I run a spellcheck and I have something like "Arista Records, Inc., v. Flea World, Inc. 356 F.Supp.2d 411 (D.N.J. 2005)" in my document, Word currently makes me hit the return key five times just to get through that citation. Can't Word just ignore citations like this? Heck, the spellchecker could even incorporate the Bluebook just to make sure that my citation format is right. Its dictionary would also have words in it like "precedential," "promisee," and "objectant." Why has nobody created this?

Me, Kim, Ben, and Kate went to Dave and Buster's for some beer, skeeball, and video games. I introduced Ben to Ghost Squad, which he declared a great game. Near the end of our trip, Ben decided to give a try to one of those crane machines, in a humorous attempt to get jewelery which was likely not even worth the credits we put into the machine.

The first question was what to go for. There were rings and watches, but I advised Ben to go after a silver colored (likely some sort of stainless steel) bracelet, as that would likely be easier to get. As usual (when anyone is trying to work one of these crane machine), Ben asked for help as to how lined up he was on the X axis. I said that he was not even, but the crane would not go back any further. So he hit the button anyway, and down the claw dropped. It scooped in, and we fully expected it to grasp meekly at the bracelet, only to let it go.

Unexpectedly, it latched onto the bracelet and lifted it into the air.

As the bracelet was returned in the direction of the drop box, much hooting and hollering was going on. Ben was jumping around, and I high fived him. I don't recall what Kim and Kate were doing, but I'll pretend that they were equally excited.

But for some reason... the bracelet wasn't in the drop box.

"Where's my bracelet?!?!" Ben asked.

Apparently, at some point when we weren't looking... the bracelet dropped back onto the gravel. None of us were expecting it - we thought we were home free once the claw got hold of it.

It was one of the more entertaining moments of my life.